Ronaldo Agent

Think of what the therapist said Cristiano. There's always pink Bentleys...

Wenger plays dirty I see. Carpet bomb us with Jennifer Lawrence nudes as much as you want, we won't forget about the need for a striker!

We wish Song well at West Ham. Did we consider re-signing him? No. The number of defensive midfielders we have is unbelievable.

Unleash your inner fashion critic! How do you like them super-tiny shorts? Go? No-Go? youtube.com/watch?v=QJnyGv…

Seriously @ManUtd, if you keep playing utter shit throughout the season, it'll no longer be fun to take a piss at you. Go for 10th at least.

Back from the toilet. Is there a doctor amongst my followers? Should I be worried?

Sorry CR7,but Bale isn't the best Welsh player.Ramsey's got the Rambo thing going on.Bale got a bandana? I don't think so #respectthebandana

Really AC Milan, really? Cristiano sprints like a young cheetah, Torres is more like a newborn giraffe...

Several media outlets claim that Mr Ronaldo earns 15/20/25m £/€/$. Pure fabrication! Right, @Cristiano? Those morons forgot the bonuses...

Listen, Cristiano, I just heard back from Ferrari Spain. They don't offer the F12 in purple. Deal with it&please, stop calling their hotline

Dear @MKDonsFC, my client would like to be a team's superstar (demigod) again, but the lack of beauty salons in MK is totally unacceptable!

Congrats on Balotelli signing @LFC! Cristiano was thinking of LFC as well, but Gerrard cries a lot&CR7's feminine side is already too strong

Dear @PADI, my client is still waiting for his lifetime achievement award. Cristiano's dive log is without equal! You don't watch footy?

Dear @ManUtd, client's club would like to enter the Cleverley bidding war. Offer: a pair of Cristiano's boots (game-worn) & tulips f. Louis

Cristiano&Angel Di Maria-still BFFs, both play for a successful, eerm...wait, they'll meet again in the CL, eerm...well, they both wear Nr.7