Sam Beck

Pour one out for the millions of abandoned nintendogs out there ❤️

I hate when people give me plants. Like, great. Thanks. I’m barely alive and now I have to keep this fucking thing alive too? Cool.

New commemorative flavor!

“You can be fat and healthy.”

I bet she bad tho

Danny DeVito is a god damn national treasure.

If you commit bank fraud, ur gay

I can’t believe the most meaningful non-familial relationship in my life was born of being sad and horny in tandem.

@MJ_theDJ Reported

I know it’s wrong, but I miss the abusive relationship I was in 😕. I am going to start hitting my boyfriend again.

The variety of grapes available is astounding.

@MJ_theDJ The crazy part is the the success rate for this is above 0%

I identify as a male feminist (I’m a performative, pick-me, douche bag, who pretends all other men are evil so I can manipulate liberal women into fucking me because I’m actually the evil one. I also don’t know what feminism is.)

She’s beauty, she’s grace, she promotes antisemitism in the States ❤️

It would actually be so funny if Trump decided to be Vance’s VP in the next election cycle

I HATE NAGGERS

Buns 2 electric shitting on you

Fuck the blue pill and the red pill too. Give me a Xanax or stfu

Tell fat people to “be the bigger person” in situations that don’t call for it

It would be so funny if left or right extremists started using “Party in the USA” as their anthem

All quiet on the prefrontal cortex

Livin la vida triste