Sam Newey

A loan shark is a moneylender who charges extremely high rates of interest. Alone shark is a scary fish with no friends.

@the_real_coach I would love one Coach!

Who wants their own nickname?

The hardest part of getting divorced is separating the unity sand.

david berman voice:

Pop F. Tarkins

Carter has passed. An accomplished man. A brilliant legacy. Although for many of us he died years ago when he refused to condemn, gamer gate

Can't wait for the Dateline episode about how you killed the vibe

I wish I was an NFL player so I could achieve my life long dream of poorly acting in insurance commercials

Hawaiians when they get a phone call from "Potential Spam"

March 7,1951

I went to a T-shirt store and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

bill nye’s full name is william new years eve

I have a condition called early onset mid life crisis

it was the chicken breast of times, it was the bratwurst of times

I can’t tell if my apartment building is a real piece of shit or it’s all in my head. I have either have a inferiority complex or live in a inferior complex

I was skeptical when I first learned about door bells but I decide to not knock it tell I tried

I heard about this combo therapist and body hair waxer. I’ll probably go when ever I have to get something of my chest

If you ever do a Burial at sea make sure you don’t do it in a no wake zone

When talking about synonyms for “nothing” zilch is second to none