Saramonkey 🧜🏻‍♀️🔮🐦‍⬛

As I gaze into the mirror it is hard to imagine but 25 years a years ago a good-lookin soldier said nice things to _me?!_ your area bog hag. We had a couple of beers and a few laughs a couple of nights after that. Snipers do it from a distance, even after all these years. 🍻🪭

@enthusmiasma Jealous of the goose-stepping... HEY YOOOO!

Here comes the national media, colonel! #arpx #arnews #maga #failsons #goosegate #acab

The Arkansas State Police has initiated an upsetting situation with the Arkansas community after a trooper ran over and killed a baby duck.

ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL -- 🇺🇸🪖🎖️❤️‍🩹✌🏻

6/? Yesterday afternoon, he drives to a big box store 30 miles away to buy a replacement BIG TV. For 16 days I have been walking on eggshells around him because of this BIG TV. 14.5 years is a good run, and a new Personal Best.

5/? He calls the company. He cusses. He calls the store. He cusses. He searches for the packing material we threw away. He cusses. He’ll have to hire a truck to come get it because it is too big to fit in our vehicles, he cusses.

4/? I emotionally check out. The two very faint red dots now have an aura around them he cusses. Again, you can’t see them when shows are playing. He begins researching the two very faint red dots.Loose motherboard he explains, probably got damaged in shipping, he cusses.

3/? Commence BIG TV honeymoon. But then he notices when there is a black screen, something is not quite right with the picture.There’s two red dots, very faint. In fact, you can’t see them when shows are playing. But Hubs has seen them. They vex him. He cusses.

1/? For well over a year, Hubs has been talking about a BIG TV. “You deserve it, babe. WE deserve it.” But we have a TV. Technically 2, if you include the one in storage with no remote. Plus, I lived without TV before. Plus society, overall, is suffering from too many screens.

2/? He finally buys one for his birthday this month, slyly shows me the price and says “Guess what I just ordered?” “A new lawnmower?” I guess. Hopeful, but incorrect. We received the BIG TV and opened it May 4.

The Arkansas average family income is 25% below the national average.

THE MORE YOU HO💫🌈--Deleted my OF account this weekend. If I want an attractive man to call me a "pathetic bitch," I can get that shit for free.

YO MISTER KOTTER! I LOST A NUCLEAR DEVICE!

Telling the barista at Starbucks i clogged the toilet as Im leaving

Careful with the creme filling, bitches. A report says hantavirus can show up in a man's excess genetic material for up to six years. (One supposes it's probably like the dolphin in cans of tuna. You can't taste the difference. But you'll know. You'll know.) #arpx #arnews

I cannot relay how happy I am to not be doing high school graduation this time of year in a newspaper situation. In other news, if you sing "Boulevard of broken dreams" anytime you watch a graduation, people will laugh their asses off. It's great.

@Alannymous If you want to laugh so hard with your sniper husband… You gotta watch this it is on Netflix. War Machine (2026) on Netflix. it starts out very seriously, and then gets really dumb really quick.

Most people don’t need a new injection. They need: • a structured workout plan • better nutrition • better sleep • consistency for longer than 3 weeks Agree or disagree?

Pour vous depuis bar vegan de Doral en Floride : " l'Iran c'est si loin...."et plus personne ne parle anglais mais espagnol.

@octopuscaveman My eyebrows shot up so fast, there was a sonic boom.

how I look at the doctor when I lie about how many alcoholic beverages I have per week