Sassy Tim Tim

To fuck around is human, to find out is divine.

Being in your early 40s is weird, man. People around your age are in every stage of life. You have people who are grandparents. You have people who have newborns. You have people dating 25-year-olds. You have people celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. Some of them look 60, and some of them look 30. All the bases are covered when you are in your early 40s.

After a certain age, your parents slowly become your children. They ask simple questions, repeat stories, and depend on your patience the way you once depended on theirs. Very few understand this role reversal.What looks like innocence or inconvenience is really time coming full circle. Don't correct them harshly. Don't rush them. Care for them the way they once protected you. This is not a burden. It is repayment.

Love this account lol.... but seriously... please don't forget NASA is almost entirely funded by OUR tax dollars. Stop launching shit into space and take care of earth's inhabitants. Seriously. Stop it.

the fact that astronauts in space still have to deal with microsoft office products feels unfair. like you’re in space. that’s an earth problem

Me: Okay, God, here's the thing. I'm scared. I'm trying not to be, but I am. God: I know. Want to talk about it? Me: Do we need to? I mean, you already know. God: Let's talk about it anyway... We've done this before. Me: I know, I just feel like I should be bigger or stronger of something by now. God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed. Me: Okay. So, I'm afraid I'll do everything I can to protect my family and it won't be enough. I'm afraid of someone I love dying. I'm afraid the world won't go back to what it was before. I'm afraid my life is always going to feel a little bit unsettled. God: Anything else? Me: EVERYTHING ELSE. God: Remember how your son woke up the other night and came running down the hall to your bedroom? Me: Yes. God: You were still awake, so when you heard him running, you started calling out to him before he even got to you... remember? Do you remember what you called out to him? Me: I said, "You're okay! You're okay! You're okay! I'm here." God: Why did you call to him? Why didn't you just wait for him to get to your room? Me: Because I wanted him to know that I was awake, and I heard him, and he didn't have to be afraid until he reached the end of the dark hallway. God: Exactly. I hear you, my child. I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway. There's an other side to all of this. I'm there already. I've seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you're okay. I haven't gone to sleep, and I won't. Me: *crying. Can we sit together awhile? Can we just sit here a minute before I go back to facing it all? God: There's nothing I'd love more.

if he brings out the child in you, you're dating a man. if he brings out the mother in you, you're dating a boy. if he brings out the inner man in you, you're dating a loser

maybe putting a 4th caffeinated drink in your anxiety riddled body will help there’s really no way to know

Next time you want to crash out, remember that Elijah wanted to die and God told him to eat and take a nap. Maybe try that.

@Real_Ames Nah...someone needs to find them when they are out. Looks like one gets out December of this year! Or Jan 2027.

Some people don’t just ruin lives… they destroy them. A North Carolina couple targeted one of the most vulnerable people they could find — a kind, intellectually disabled Chick-fil-A greeter named Christopher Tsoulos, a man known for welcoming customers with a smile. Instead of leaving him alone, Trysten Cullon and Jade Stone stole his phone, dug through his accounts, and when they couldn’t steal his money, they turned to something even more disgusting: blackmail. They created fake accounts and began sending messages to his family, calling him a “pervert” and threatening to destroy his reputation unless they were paid. They accused him of horrific things that prosecutors say were completely fabricated — all to squeeze a few hundred dollars out of a man who trusted them. The harassment went on for days. Christopher, who relied heavily on his family and spent his days simply trying to make people feel welcome at work, was pushed to a breaking point. On September 8, 2024, the 37-year-old took his own life on the front steps of his home. His father found him the next morning. In court, more than 60 grieving friends and family members packed the room for sentencing — people who knew Christopher as the gentle man who tried to brighten everyone’s day. And what did the two people responsible for terrorizing him get? 41 months and 27 months in prison. For bullying, blackmailing, and psychologically tormenting a disabled man until he was gone. Some crimes aren’t just illegal. They’re pure evil. Do you think these sentences are anywhere near enough? 🤬

Tell me why a salon will charge me a 50% cancelation/time change fee if it's within 24 hours of the appointment but can call me 3 hours before and cancel on me without providing any discount on my rebooking 2 weeks out.

There is a challenge where you put your hand near your dog like you're going to pet them but don't actually pet them. Someone tried it on their bird and it was adorable.

Nathan Martin, a 36-year-old high school cross-country coach from Jackson, Michigan, won the 2026 Los Angeles Marathon by running past Kenya’s Michael Kamau in the final second.

something about a person who is absolutely unhinged in regular life but completely locked in when it comes to their career is so endearing to me.

No matter how good your job is, you are always one meeting away from your entire life changing without your permission.

The longer you work in corporate, the more you realize …Urgent is a feeling, not a fact

Were gonna be able to vacation in Gaza, Cuba, Venezuela, Iran and maybe Minnesota soon. Incredible times.

@AriZonanHODL 😭🤮

A major megachurch in Phoenix with many locations just announced that the head pastors wife has been cheating on him. The churches response is for him to take some time away and invite a woman to preach for the entire church on Sunday. Telling..

it's messed up that there a million songs about love but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders

When you realize, and embrace, that its you vs you... life gets a whole ton better. 💜

Each decade is defined by a zoo monkey in 2016 there was Harambe, who cursed us with 10 years of bad fortune. and now there is Punch, who will bless us with 10 years of good fortune.