Ol' Joe

What's it like having a friend as dumb as me

@JB_775 *Onety *Threety

Matter of fact, it should go: Oney Twoty Thirdty Fourty Fivety Sixty (already correct) Seventy (already correct) Eighty (already correct) Ninety (already correct)

Someone explain to me why the proper spelling of forty isn’t fourty

@JB_775 Lightning strikes the tallest thing 😬

Never once thought about giraffes getting wrecked by rain, wind and lightning. Now I will think about it forever.

@JB_775 Tell that to my shiny teeth for 39.95

@SchmoJoey Nothing more electric than catching a crew neck out of a bazooka.

T-shirt cannon is the best piece of technology we’ve created in the past 20 years.

@RobanCook @ORDAirport @AmericanAir Like I said, second best. I'm a midway boy

@SchmoJoey @ORDAirport @AmericanAir No food vouchers, no hotel accommodations. Just 17 hours of sitting on the floor

Been at @ORDAirport since 3pm with multiple canceled and delayed @AmericanAir flights, now we are leaving tomorrow at 8am. 17 hours after we arrived.

Hey. Can I borrow one million MrBeast bucks so I can bet on my ability to pay the fourth installment of my Klarna Max membership on my congressional mandate OpenAI compute tax it's a tradable asset streaming live on NetHBOflixCNN Binance Jr. Performative reading.

something wild i done

Death, taxes, and me crushing a shower beer on Saturday

@theJmoe @JB_775 Not fixing that damn squeaky garage door?

@JB_775 @SchmoJoey What’s next? Not manning the trash bag Christmas morning?

Forgetting to pull the trash can out to the curb feels like a punch to the gut. #DadFail

@kylascan Poignant

Outside the airport

For every $100 you pay in taxes, this is the breakdown of where your money goes: $24 to health insurance programs $21 to social security $13 to defense $13 to paying off our debt $8 to veterans and federal employee benefits $7 to economic security programs $5 to education $2 to transportation $1 to resources and agriculture $1 to science and medical research $1 to law enforcement $1 to international programs $5 covering basically everything else (like education, infrastructure, etc) If you think we're gonna fix this mess we're in by obliterating international aid or cutting off funding for science and medical research (prob the best bang for our buck we get) I literally don't know what to tell you.

A very, very important thing in conversation: when someone is having a big revelation, telling a story, or a joke etc- even if you know exactly what they're talking about or know the answer to what they're about to say - Do not say it. Allow the discovery. Allow the joy. Allow them to unveil their golden goose to you. Do not rip the goose from their hands.

I'm so fuckin frustrated with people that don't understand economics. Tariffs are a tax on all of us, nerds

I hate it when brutal autocrats do the exact thing I would do if I ran a country.

@Anygivenkyle Me too, buddy. Me too

@SchmoJoey I miss vine

Relishing over the idea of recreating my “ketchup all week” vine video