Rod Dreher@roddreher
I have some expertise here. I know David, & the full story. I also am divorced (my wife filed), & have had to take lots of abuse from ppl who don’t know real story, & who can’t bec I owe it to the woman who divorced me & our kids to protect their privacy — which includes the reason our older son & I moved to Europe.
As with David’s case, the optics disfavor me, even though she divorced me), but they deceive. I could easily defend myself from the criticism, but to do so would only compound the tragedy and make things even worse for my kids, who didn’t deserve any of this. So I just have to suck it up. And I do. I’m not saying David’s situation was exactly like mine — it wasn’t — but I am saying that the ten-year, extremely painful breakup of my marriage taught me to be careful about judging divorced people. Few if anybody knew how much my wife and I were suffering inside that marriage, for a decade, before she called it quits. They didn’t know because we put on a good front, mostly to protect the kids.
I don’t know David’s ex wife, so I don’t know her side of the story. I’m not passing judgment. I’m simply saying that people should be a lot more hesitant than they are to decide they k is what’s what in the breakdown of the Brooks marriage. David has said publicly that he and his ex mutually agreed never to disparage each other publicly. Far as I can see, they’ve stuck to that. I think David is a good man. I often disagree with his political judgment, but I consider him a kind and generous friend (his wife Anne too). I got to know them as my own marriage was in severe crisis, and they helped me through it. I’ll always be grateful for that.
David is a sinner, as am I, as are you, and he hasn’t claimed otherwise. All I want to say here is that NOBODY outside a failed marriage really knows what went on inside it, except those in it. That’s not to say there is not blame; it’s only to say that it’s a good idea to give grace in such matters, because you don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes.
Since my divorce, a number of Christian men who are strangers to me have reached out to share their own suffering within failed marriages, and to ask for advice. I tell you, there is a vast reservoir of pain in our society within marriages that people continue to persevere in because of God, their kids, or whatever. I had no real idea until it happened to me, and, because I am a public figure, men started writing to me about their pain.
I’m not asking you to bless David here. I’m simply telling you all to withhold judgment, because unless you are a friend, you don’t know his side of the story (and he hasn’t claimed otherwise never disparaged his ex wife even privately to me). Some failed marriages do have clear villains. This is not one of them.
Life is very hard. If you are in a good and steady marriage, thank God for it, and thank your spouse every day. This blessing is not given to everybody.
