Sean Carpenter

@SteveHyett @Nigel_Farage @realDonaldTrump They need to bus in people from Clacton to fill the seats.

@Nigel_Farage @realDonaldTrump Haven't you got a job over here, you frog-eyed fart-arse?

Arrived at the @realDonaldTrump Rally in Reading, Pennsylvania. 🇺🇸

@SoozUK Make America breast Austin

I remember another predatory weirdo with bizarre hair who said he'd 'fix it'.

@RuthWareWriter Under Elon's weird new rule, I think you should still be able to see their posts even if they had blocked you. Looks like it's just that the account has gone.

@SeanCarpenter Oh brilliant, I assumed they'd blocked me but perhaps they scarpered instead. People are strange. What a thing to spend your one wild and precious life on - impersonating a writer on twitter.

@SteveHyett You can mock, but I was turned down for a job as a helium balloon because I was too heavy.

Well, this is bat-shit crazy and no mistake.

@SteveHyett And coming soon - Tom Holland terrorises the people of London by blowing raspberries at them.

The Worm That Turned....?

@sundersays Hard to see what Jenrick's supporters would gain by lending votes to Cleverly yesterday. Tugendhat was almost certain to be eliminated, and he needed to knock out Badenoch If that was the plan, THIS round would have been the time to do it.

What is not clear is whether Cleverly's campaign tried to manipulate this vote - and put themselves out - or whether Jenrick's campaign were doing that on the third round. Or whether there is an alternative explanation

Conservative leadership: MPs final round Kemi Badenoch - 42 Robert Jenrick - 41 James Cleverly - 37 A major surprise that Badenoch v Jenrick go through to the final round

@Jo_Caulfield @watsoncomedian Look at the eyes! That bear definitely fancies the bloke who's carrying him.

@watsoncomedian Today getting into Waverley Station, Edinburgh

One thing I love to see on my travels is someone carrying a massive soft toy, like from a funfair or something, but with a totally serious expression. Normally get 2-3 a year.

@mjrharris @youngvulgarian I agree with her about the treatment of Diane Abbott, but that did all happen before the election when Rosie was happy to be a Labour candidate.

So brave to do this *after* getting a fixed £93,000 a year income for four years after standing as a Labour candidate.

@SteveHyett Oh no! I mean, I have no idea what plantar facilitis is, it sounds like the Latin name for a cactus, but I'm guessing from the 'my bloody' prefix that it's not fun. As long as it doesn't make you do anything else like Kevin Spacey though ...

My bloody plantar facilitis has come back again, meaning every time I get up and walk away after sitting down for a while I do so like Kevin Spacey at the end of The Usual Suspects.

@SoozUK On the plus side, Hue Edwards famously got the tone exactly right, and you still came out of it better in the long run.

@sturdyAlex Then they came for me, but I was too out of breath to speak out because of all the smoking.

@watsoncomedian Yet CDs are the same price that they were in the early 90's.

It’s a real sign of age to be going ‘how much!?’ at the price of a KitKat or something, but if you were a music fan in the nineties it *does* feel weird to see gig tickets for £150ish FACE VALUE and everyone seemingly cool with it.

@ruskin147 Doesn't look mutual 😀

and we ran into more Sophie fans…

Great walk above Poppit Sands with #sophiefromromania who was terrified in the car park but mostly fine once we were away from the crowds

@SteveHyett This ...

@SteveHyett I make very little on mine. The photo looks like one of those optical illusions where an upside-down picture of a woman frowning looks normal, but when you turn it through 180 degrees you realise the mouth has been photoshopped on the wrong way up.

'In February, Price was ordered to forfeit 40% of her income from the adult entertainment website OnlyFans for the next three years' Well, that must be all of £3.50 and a pickled egg.

@MadmusclesPlans The 45 - 55 number seems to have been arrived at by photoshopping a 65 year old's head onto a 35 year old's body and then taking an average of the two ages.

💪 To get in shape isn’t as hard as it sounds!

@SteveHyett To see the young Jeremy Corbyn on the Generation Game ... nice.

Nice to see the young Jeremy Corbyn on the Generation Game tonight.

@SteveHyett Definitely nobody. Absolutely nobody has done an 'Ed Davey on a paddleboard' joke yet either.

Has anyone done the 'this is in Seine' joke yet? #OpeningCeremony