Shari VanderWerf

@MassGeneralNews You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Your Emergency Department is a war zone. The surly undertrained staff hangs around socializing while people are quite literally dying around them. Get your damn priorities straight. Just awful.

@RealChrisSays Is, was, and always has been @hwinkler4real

@elonmusk Pull your head out of its ass.

What should Twitter do next?

If it all goes tits up, you can find me at Narcotics Anonymous.

@sarahhartshorne Me too! 🔥🚒❤️‍🔥🎇

I’M BACK, BABY. Just in time to bask in the glow of the dumpster fire.

*learns Twitter is unmoderated for four days* *looks around* 👀 Nancy Pelosi voice... POOHPOOH!

Computer: Twitter quit unexpectedly. Me: Have you even watched the news?

The only reason I'm still on Twitter is for the daily reminders that I'm not the worst person in the world.

@ItsMyUvula @amandadeibert @MiraSorvino @ShawnReynolds_ @bendmayer @CParkhurst1 @LGRed @HeidiWatney @AlexaDatt @AZapruder @MichGS @DrMelodyMcCloud First real LOL of the day. Thank you!

@amandadeibert, @MiraSorvino, @ShawnReynolds_, @bendmayer, @CParkhurst1, @LGRed, @HeidiWatney, @lgred, @Shariv67, @AlexaDatt, @AZapruder, @MichGS , @DrMelodyMcCloud But was it fatal?

Responsible bear picks up fallen traffic cone

@SaraBellum7 Kamikaze pilots reportedly loved meth.

I just realized that if we enter into a civil war, it's basically going to be the meth states versus the marijuana states. Uh-oh.

Bonjour de Paris!

It's not the heat, it's the liquid in my eyeballs boiling as my skin instantly turns to ash.

. @KelloggsUS WTF is this? #Crispixfail

Son: I can never poop in hotels. Me: Yeah. That happens to a lot of people. Son: But how does my butt know I'm on vacation? Me:🤔

I still rage against the machine, only now the machine is the dishwasher.

I'm eating serial seereeal ciril surreal circleal white liquid with crunchy boos

I am the best at Wordle.