Clare Shortt🧢🤠🐄

I wrote a little poem, whilst pondering my existence "Oh carbon dioxide, how I love thee, You feed the plants And the plants feed me." #carbon #LoveLife #agriculture #climatehoax

@bartjevandeven Sure are and I keep forgetting to take the torch on the hills 🤦

Mornings are getting darker…..🤙🏻🤙🏻

Ohh and on page 10

@Rural_News you may need to get your proof reader to buy a round at the pub tonight. 2 mistakes on the front page !

@bartjevandeven How many heifers to bulls did that bring you down to?

With a pay increase and a 0% empty rate in the heifers she’s all positives today….🤙🏻🤙🏻

@AucklandIsland So if you buy a property in this area you cannot insure it, is that correct or the premiums will be through the roof?

Second town denied insurance cover because of risk. rnz.co.nz/news/national/…

Batten down the hatches!

Do you think cloud seeding is really such a good idea?

@_MaccaNZ Agreed but I am the mum of teenage daughters so in need of them as well!

Not enough clothing stores have the “boyfriend chair” outside the changing rooms anymore. The chair where you can sit and wait for your woman to try on all the clothing.

Right then here goes... ANNUAL RANT ALERT!! Triggered by adverts and TV chefs😠😠 Christmas Dinner.... I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs... It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not! Here goes... 1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over it’s cooked! 2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!) What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking 😉. 3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell.... Gravy granules Jamie.... All you need is gravy granules! I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠 4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough! 5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same 😉. 6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl! (oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!) 7. Family.... Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace! Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc. And Finally..... NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET DRUNK AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!! Rant over 😂 Merry feckin Christmas!

@Soaringeagle45 Norwegian trolls!

Bonanza…like my chances 😂

@TrumpsHurricane The breads at the bottom 😱

What’s your first thought when you see this grocery cart ??

@urbantui @dairymanNZ Oh I so wish they were 🤦

@dairymanNZ You are kidding right?

I've seen a picture of this device, it's a shewwee for cows. I have my doubts... Sustainable Business and Finance: AgriZeroNZ backs Canterbury start-up Amua with $1.2m for cow emissions device - NZ Herald share.google/UZQ6kzGe0OsFME…

@CorbinSchuster Amazing what happens underground when you are waiting patiently or not so above ground!

Not sure who's responsible for filming this masterpiece but even as a farmer watching this, I'm still in awe that a seemingly inert seed has all the information required to spring to life in the right conditions and reproduce.

@fairleigh_ag And yet @AgriZeroNZ are continuing on this crazy path, virtue signaling at its best.

Cows dying in the name of saving the planet while world leaders fly in private jets to the COP25 summit to wank on about reducing emissions! This makes me so fuckin mad. Bovaer will NEVER be fed on this farm,fine me,send me to jail,I don't care,I will never put my cows thru this

@mcnaughthelen1 @dairymanNZ @LewisRoad Yep southern pastures is mainly back by European pension funds.

@ShorttClare @dairymanNZ @LewisRoad Really?

In protest at my favourite dairy brands now being owned by the French, I shall buy only Meadowfresh milk (owned by Australians), Yoplait yoghurt (Australian), and Pam's butter if I can find any that's not mouldy (majority Chinese owned)

@dairymanNZ @Feebeekiwi Which is owned by synlait and therefore the Chinese.

@Feebeekiwi Pam's is made by DairyWorks

@mcnaughthelen1 @dairymanNZ @LewisRoad Isn't that owned by a swedish pension fund?

@dairymanNZ Lewis Road is, as far as I know, independent @LewisRoad

@incorrect_nz @fairleigh_ag The electric cherry farm is held in the highest esteem as a beacon for all of us farmers!

@fairleigh_ag Luckily no one is suggesting farms go electric, ironically farms would have the best redundancy electricity generation options if the were though.

As we enter our 4th day of no electricity here on farm,how do i charge my electric tractor to feed my animals? The farm's electric motorbikes are all flat so we are moving stock,etc on foot & we can't get to town cos our EV is flat?? Rural electrification was a great idea.....

@NewstalkZB How much will it cost the tax payer if this gets funded by pharmac? It's a lifetime drug, you can't get off it otherwise all the weight goes back on. Hell of a marketing model!

Research confirms Ozempic reduces risk of strokes and heart attacks newstalkzb.co.nz/on-air/heather…

If this happens again I may have a problem, a possum problem!