Simone 'Sassy Chicken' Green

No scope for the day? Noscope tomorrow. #InspirationalFanBoyTweets

@UPS_UK please can you respond to me about my missing item? Thank you.

New goal: - Have one year without being singled out as 'the fat one' OR - Not care next time

@RoxieRoseAnime Trying this immediately.

I just learned that you can put honey in red wine... this is the greatest thing I have ever drunk. I'm ashamed it took 28 yrs to learn this 😂😂😂

Fallen down a black hole because the crushing reality that absolutely nothing is 100% what it seems is just too much. I need certainty now and I can't even trust ingredients lists.

ARTISTS OF TWITTER! May all your insta-reels be better than mine 😂 I'm doing my best! instagram.com/reel/Ci-CoP-pK…

Listening to a kid in the alley make excessive fart sounds and then blame his Dad because "It must have been a boy because it SMELLS and there are only 3 girls and 2 boys and it wasn't me so it must have been you, Dad" then ponder loudly whether his grandma is a boy. Top comedy.

Ah yes, the classic Frozen quote.

Hahhhahahahahahahhahhahaaaahhahahaahhahahahhahwhaahah@hahahaahhahahhhaa+ahwhwhaa+@haahahhahahhhaa+ahahhh@ahhahahh@hhhahhhah@hhahaaa+a

@squeakygrump I'm honoured 😂😂😂

@SimoneSCG Those are as horrifying as anything of Sid’s

When your dog destroys every toy so you gotta become Sid from Toy Story...

There is currently a massive cannibal slug in my yard.

@Persephiroth It hurts to know some people don't understand, don't want to understand and are unkind. Know that you are loved, and you are deserving of love. ♥️

Kept hearing @MatPatGT talking about #Battington tapes... Completely misheard him everytime... Watching in horror like 'my guy where the fk is Paddington.'

@SekiiRei My happy smiley pupper to brighten your day.

@squeakygrump That is understandably terrifying. I've always been scared of them because I didn't know if I was allergic and was worried one would sting me and I wouldn't be able to get help in time. Turns out, not allergic, but christ does it hurt! Bees are wonderful. 🐝 Excellent rescue!

@SimoneSCG My fear of wasps comes from being stung on the chin when I was about 7. My chin was itchy so I scratched it. I obviously touched the wasp and it stung me. It was horrible. I still hate the things. Bees are lovely though. Saved another queen the other day.

28 years without ever having been stung by a wasp or a bee. Then today some ninja wasp asshole decides to jab me in my leg through my leggings! It hurts more than I thought it would. Wasps can buzz off.

If anyone happens to fall through to the backrooms and come across a squeaky tennis ball... It's my dog's. Thank you.

@normanlambert45 Heyyyy! ... Yeah alright fair.

Ladies with three names. Why do yall have bad bangs?

Is every hufflepuff the main character in an anime? 😂 #HogwartsMystery

I just realised I used to have soy sauce in the house exclusively for pot noodles. Now I actually cook with it. I'm all grown up. *wipes tear from eye*