simon

i too would also be standing in a stunned silence if i saw a wild boar steal a bag from international pop superstar shakira

@floatawaywitme that's gonna hurt in the morning

minding my own business doing my morning scrolling when all of a sudden Sharpie Challenge

@JM4life25 @Bennieeexyz probably just stolen content tbh

@Bennieeexyz "Account based in Africa" bodega my ass lmao

my bodega guy has a 7-year-old daughter who sits behind the counter after school doing homework. yesterday i walked in and she looked up with the biggest grin and said “you’re the guy who always buys the strawberry milk!” then she slid a drawing across the counter..... "it was me (stick figure with giant hair) holding a strawberry milk." her dad was beaming. “she made it for you, said you’re nice.” i almost cried in the chip aisle. best $3.49 i’ve ever spent.

So. Disney brings Back Malcom in the Middle, which ended decades ago with a proper send off. They made Stevie gay, despite him crushing on Malcolm’s babysitter, pretending to be in critical condition to get another girl to like him, there’s stacking amounts of evidence proving he likes girls. And the child Hal and Lois had at the very end is, wait for it……..non binary. If you had even a shred of hope that you were going to “relive the glory days” you were kidding yourself. Disney owing this, backed up with the negative reviews should have been the dead giveaway. Don’t waste your time, it’s modern Disney being modern Disney again, and again, and again!

@redrummarts faggeaux

First time I saw the word "fаggοt" it was in text and the context clues just made me think of a stereotypical prissy french guy so I pronounced it "faggo" without a t for a bit like it was a French word. Ironically saying it that way led me to being called a fаggοt myself

@RidingThePine21 @BlackMajikMan90 nah elizabeth banks is the only one in the movie who understood the assignment

@BlackMajikMan90 There wasn't enough nostalgia. Needed more humor. The Krispy Kreme product placement was cringe. And honestly, Elizabeth Banks probably wasn't the best casting for Rita.

The failure of the 2017 Power Rangers movie will never not hurt and it seemed like it had everything going for it. - A favorable release date with Fate of the Furious not releasing until 3 weeks later. - A very reasonable 100 million dollar budget - Good trailers and a good marketing strategy - A cool update for modern audiences and the new generation. Yet when the movie released, almost no one was interested; not even the toy line sold well. I’ll never understand why.

i would like to see someone explain recency bias to mr feig

@befspriv baddie

@bugsandfishes fed one a few dog treats recently and it posed for a few pics. literally made it my lock screen

Urban foxes in the UK are so firmly attempting to domesticate themselves I found this tweet incredibly confusing because what do you mean "extraordinary for a fox", they're all like this???

@SandyofSuffolk @GeordieArmani maybe she doesn't have a moaning fetish like you clearly do

@GeordieArmani She'll be back in a couple of years whining she can't afford to buy a house.

Right. Stepdaughter just told me the youngest grandson's girlfriend (20) who's been living at home for 2 years and working just 30 hours a week in M&S for 2 years has saved £15,000. She's not been paying her dad 'keep'. Sigh. Nice deposit for a flat you may think. But no. Going off travelling to Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia and chucking her job in. 🙄 But the good news is....🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁 youngest grandson has dumped her. 🤣

@danny___puppy @MichaelJLeader 😙🤌

@Simonjenkin @MichaelJLeader But y'know what is enduring? 80s Belgian techno anthem Pump Up the Jam.

Worth discussing how the enduring part of Charlie Brooker's Wipe series wasn't the cultural criticism/commentary, but this one comedy character.

Oh man. Artemis II accidentally hit a giant trampoline and now it's headed right back into space. Not good. Not good at all.

@AngelLilies @who_shot_jgr x.com/i/status/20427…

@who_shot_jgr I get the “holier than the pope” attitude is annoying but there is still interpretation in Catholicism. One shouldn’t contradict the Church doctrine, but there are ecclesiastical debates on the meaning of scripture with us too. Especially for application to modern day.

sick of these catholic converts showing up and saying "well I have a different interpretation of the scripture" no you don't. that's protestantism and a heresy. don't like it there's the (incredibly beautiful and heavily ornamented with precious metals) door

so did my ex wife

@explodingpiano yeah who do you think they're sucking 👉😎👉

I was at the dick sucking factory and everyone knew you

@jvssixa489 i'll be your professor

feeling sad bc my professor won’t flirt w me

Fuck knows how the next winner of the FIFA Peace Prize will try and top this.

@vaxtardrights @Puffwad @BussyKeaton that doesn't in any way make what happened sexual assault

@Simonjenkin @Puffwad @BussyKeaton by learning that intent is not a necessary element for proving sexual assault against a child hope this helps 😊

You have all lost the plot lol. Would *I* do this? No. But you'd think she was Epstein or something. A prank on a kid went bad, end of story.

@vaxtardrights @Puffwad @BussyKeaton oh no someone called "vaxtard rights" called me a pedophile however will i recover

@Simonjenkin @Puffwad @BussyKeaton pedophiles are really willing to expose themselves online over this it’s actually insane

@Puffwad @BussyKeaton honestly the only explanation at this point is that people like you have an outrage fetish

@Simonjenkin @BussyKeaton It’s predatory no matter what. You don’t do that to a child. But also imagine years later as an adult he talks about exposing the little girl’s genitals and laughing about it while mentioning her tiny vagina like Chloe does here. So gross