🌏🇦🇺🪁 🇵🇸Snark. Huntsman defluffer 💉🕷🐀📡📚

theguardian.com/world/2024/apr… pinning for future reference.

@Susan16Park Australian dim Sims have no right to be spoken of in the same sentence. It should be "Dim" "Sims"

@anon_opin Didn't they make rage baiting illegal?

White bread is for toast. Brown bread is for sandwiches. Can't be swapped under any circumstances

@LadyNimby Most people's grandma was feeding the family with canned food and rations.

People be like “your grandmother knew natural was best” Meanwhile my grandma, enveloped in a cloud of aqua net:

@FitnessEmpiree @Diet0Nutrition Pregnancy and reflux are on a side quest.

@FitnessEmpiree @Diet0Nutrition Autoimmune disease has entered the chat:

Weight loss drugs don't adress metabolic dysfunction Rather they created a shortcut economy. A lot of people don’t actually want to fix their sleep, diet, stress or inactivity. They want pharmaceutical fat loss while keeping the same habits that caused the problem.

Gary Larson talking about the time THE FAR SIDE and DENNIS THE MENACE switched captions.

@SummaVeritas @_celia_bedelia_ Your metabolism slows down. Now shut up.

@_celia_bedelia_ @sageburnerr No you weren't. If you were in a caloric deficit you would've been losing weight. The Law of Thermodynamics stays undefeated...

Oh go fuck yourself.

@ItsGoneAwry My husband's favourite Dad joke What's the difference between a squid and an octopus. Squid have tentacles Octopi have only eight.

Does anyone actually say “octopi” when referring to multiple 🐙?

@anon_opin I was totally annoyed after the first sentence. Totally onboard after the second.

All cars should be no bigger than Smart cars and have a max speed of 25mph. I don't propose this out of environmental or safety concerns, I just think it would be funny and upset a lot of people I don't like.

Day 1 of teaching my students how to tie a tie. They pick out one they like, I teach them how to tie it, they do it themselves, and then they get to keep the tie! Thank you for your donations, these are the lessons that can’t be measured by standardized tests or grades.

@wine_x13 Part of the work is be about how to work in a team. This is not a natural thing for many people. It needs to be structured so this is avoided. The failure is on educators who do not teach people how to do this. But you should have talked to them earlier about this.

Just read now! I just ruined three people's grades, and one is losing their scholarship. Am I wrong for this? I was in a 4-person group project worth 40% of our final grade. From week 2, I was doing EVERYTHING: research, slides, speaker notes. My teammates just kept responding

@HeidiBriones Breast has little fat to carry the flavour. We beat it flat, crumb it and make a schnitzel out of it. Like you, I much prefer the thighs and legs as the meat is tender and succulent.

I wish chicken breast tasted better. I have no idea how you're all cooking it without it getting dry or chewy. Tips? I tend to skip it and cook thighs instead, but I need to up my protein.

@masha_slp And who is stealing other people's digital content

@MadelaineLucyH Jane forgives him for almost making her a bigamist and they all live happily ever after.

Give Charlotte Bronte bad advice on Jane Eyre. I’ll start! “Make Jane more feisty and likeable, maybe instead of a governess she’s a judo instructor”

Don’t like people wearing watermelon pins at your shitty medical conference? Don’t care. “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” makes you feel scared? Don’t care. Seeing Palestinian flags on university campuses upsets you? Don’t care. A student calling Israel an apartheid state hurts your little feelings? Don’t care. A doctor speaking publicly about Palestinian children being massacred feels “divisive” to you? Fuck you. People refusing to condemn Palestinian resistance makes you uneasy? Don’t care. Hearing the word “genocide” feels inflammatory to you? Don’t care. A keffiyeh in a workplace gives you a panic attack? Don’t care. “Globalise the intifada” sounds genocidal to you? Don’t care. People interrupting politicians feels disrespectful to you? Don’t care. You no longer being able to monopolise victimhood makes you angry? Truly could not care less. What I care about are the Palestinian children being burned alive. The doctors being tortured. The families erased under rubble. The starvation. The concentration camps. The destruction of Gaza’s hospitals and universities and refugee camps and entire civilian infrastructure. But for the nearly last 1,000 days and decades prior, Western institutions have demanded everyone stop and carefully tend to Jewish emotional discomfort instead. Not Palestinian lives. Not Palestinian suffering. Not Palestinian speech. Zionist discomfort. Zionist fragility. Zionist political sensitivity—elevated, enforced, and institutionalised across universities, hospitals, media outlets, professional associations, politicians, donors, and advocacy groups. All working in sync to transform Zionist discomfort into institutional emergency. While Palestinian suffering is rendered invisible. While Palestinian speech is disciplined. While Palestinian humanity is treated as negotiable. That is the function of the Jewish Feelings Industrial Complex. Not safety. Not care. Not protection. Institutionalised Zionist emotional management at scale. Fuck every single institution that constantly weaponizes “Jewish safety,” “Jewish discomfort,” and “Jewish feelings” to justify censorship, repression, career destruction, anti-Palestinian racism, and silence in the face of mass atrocity. If a watermelon pin destabilises you more than the annihilation of Gaza, the problem is not the watermelon pin. The problem is you. -- from "The Anti-Zionist" patreon.com/posts/awww-you…

"Linen is for summer, wool is for winter" Not true. Fabric weight and weave matter more than fiber. A lightweight, open weave wool will wear cooler than a heavy, dense linen. To find comfortable clothes for summer, consider fabric weight, fabric weave, and garment construction.

I wanted to run the London Marathon but training takes too long and is too hard as a pudgy 47yo woman, so I got an Uber to the finish line. It's not fair that athletic people get to gatekeep long-distance running. I'm still a Marathon runner! This is what AI 'writers' sound like

@heshidicjudaism Text her and be up front OMG I can't remember your name and I have now destroyed any chance of future happiness by my lack of attention. Can you ever forgive me? I can't keep your number as "Smiling Eyes" forever.

I have an evil problem which is that I’m going on a second date soon with a girl I had an awesome first date with but I literally can’t remember her name, we met on hinge and she has since unmatched me or deleted it and I just have her unsaved number in my phone WHAT TO DO

@kaitybella George Carlin has a very famous comedy routine about it.

americans tend to be v puritanical about curse words generally but yeah cunt is one we’re taught to like not ever call someone unless you wanna get hit