Jason Bourne

You are one walk away from a better day.

Women dating younger men will become more common soon. You’re going to see 30 years old women dating men in their 20s.

GO THROUGH THE PHONES! OPEN ALL THE APPS! too many sick twisted double lives because what the fuck you mean sleep porn community? Why have I lived for so long, but there’s new ways that I’m absolutely disturbed by humanity everyday. Go through the phone.

To be a successful gym-goer, you have to move fast when you get out of bed right before your brain starts negotiating.

You know what really bugs me these days? We can't own anything. Everything is a subscription service, like literally everything. You can't buy Microsoft Office, you have to purchase a subscription for a year. You literally have to pay for everything FOREVER. Isn't anyone else bothered by this?

Went on a date yesterday where I asked what he liked to do for fun and he said “I like thinking”

Fuck a breakup you ever been addicted to a restaurant that closed down?😭😭

My girlfriend said I look like Santan Dave 🤧

We need to start boycotting African and Caribbean restaurants cause they’re starting to take the piss with their prices una common chicken and rice and you wanna charge a madness