Spectrum2005

@EddieFromDallas I can see how being a Phillies fan would make you drink

It's that time of year again! #ringthebell

@AbbyHasIssues @Syrup_Tishus And access to a decent cup of coffee

There’s a time and a place for camping. That time is never and that place is a hotel with indoor plumbing and room service.

My little sister asked for my email address. I told her it’s just my first name and last name at Gmail. She looked at me like I had casually announced that I own beachfront property in Malibu. She said, “How did you get that? I could never get mine.” I said, “Because I was there when Gmail was invented.” And that is apparently how I found out my email address is now considered historical evidence. Back then, you could just type your actual name and somehow it was still available. No extra numbers. No random underscores. No adding “official” at the end because twelve other people had already claimed it. Just your name and Gmail. Simple times. My sister looked genuinely impressed, like.......

@Acyn If I knew he was coming I’d have baked a ham

Schneider: LA, you have nothing to lose. Half of your town is already burned down.

In 1905, military recruits in Norway averaged 170 cm in height. And by 2005, the average had risen to 180 cm, about 1 mm of growth per year. So, if we extend that trend backward through history, we can conclude that the Vikings were about 50 cm tall.

@Zy706 @iJordanMoore It’s a tomb compared to the Bell Centre

@iJordanMoore You misspelled Scotiabank Arena for NHL Toronto will always be the Mecca of Hockey

The Mecca’s of each major 4 sport… MLB: Fenway Park NFL: Lambeau Field NBA: Madison Square Garden NHL: Belle Centre There shouldn’t even be a debate.

@varshos_glove This may be the worst thing I’ve ever read

I probably forgot someone super obvious but heres a bunch of Canadian artists of various notarity. Notice that most of them are good because Canada runs the music industry!

@rja_carnegie @Bennieeexyz “Look, I know you knew George Washington personally, but let someone else ask a question “

@Bennieeexyz Audience lady: asks tricky history question. Professor: "Just how old ARE you, lady?!"

(Before class, my history professor is telling us about a conference he'll be attending.) Professor: "The only bad thing about this conference is that it takes place really close to where I grew up, which means my mom will be in the front row." Me: "Wait, so, your mom comes to conferences and listens to you?" Professor: "Listen? No. She sits in the audience and asks questions! I swear she does research just so she can ask ones that completely stump me. My mom is even worse than most academics, and that's saying something." (Classmate #1 enters the room in time to hear only the last sentence.) Classmate #1: "Oh, your mom's a scholar, too?" Professor: "Yes. Yes, she is." Classmate #1: "What's she a scholar of?" Professor: "Annoying the s*** out of me!"

@Tg_Moscow @luxemiaa Why would you expect to share food on a first date?

Or maybe… just maybe… he assumed sharing food on a date was normal human behavior and not the opening chapter of a dictatorship. Some of you turn every awkward moment into a full psychological documentary. “He canceled my fries” somehow became: “He will control my wardrobe, my future and probably my blood type by date three.” Meanwhile the guy was probably just trying to avoid paying for two portions of fries sitting on the same table. Not every man making a small decision is “controlling.” Sometimes it’s just social clumsiness. Sometimes it’s confidence. And sometimes people are so used to individualism that basic sharing now feels like oppression. If canceled fries emotionally ended the date, the relationship was never surviving real problems anyway.

I went on a date and ordered a salad and fries. That was my meal. The waiter wrote it down and moved on to him. He asked, “Does the club sandwich come with fries?” The waiter said yes. He said, “Great, I’ll have the club.” Then he looked at the waiter and said, “And you can cancel her fries.” My fries. The fries I had specifically ordered for myself. Canceled without discussion, as if he had full legal authority over my potato decisions. I just sat there staring at him. This man had known me for maybe 20 minutes and was already editing my order. I asked why he did that. He said, “You can just have some of mine.” That was not the point. First of all, I wanted my own fries. Second, I do not want to negotiate over side dishes with a man I barely know. And.,......

@Syrup_Tishus I’d pay serious money to see Kyle Schwarber or Aaron Judge skate against Quinn Hughes or Lane Hutson

Firm believer in this.

@TheFigen_ “I’ve got to do everything around here”

Some people can’t even begin to understand this level of personal responsibility.

@Syrup_Tishus @colleen_eileen Dr Pepper is the only soft drink my daughter drinks. I may raid her stash from time to time

@Spectrum20051 @colleen_eileen Dr. Pepper is the nectar of the gods and is the superior beverage of any other beverages available. I miss it dearly.

A work potluck has resulted in a shocking discovery. Some people consider Dr. Pepper root beer? Dr. Pepper is its own man. If anything I'll concede a bastard love child of Coca-Cola and a robust root beer but that's questionable. Absolute perverts I work with.

@dog_rates I'm impressed that he wrote a resume. Not may goldens can do that

This is Jam. He said he was the highest jumping golden retriever in Ontario. May or may not have lied on his resume. Still 13/10

@LMicheLeLive @datingbyblaine polite? Or afraid that he'll freak out on them if they call him on it

@datingbyblaine 39 to 46 is 7 years! The women he’s dated were just being polite, but if they were late 20s, early 30s- 39 was already pushing it! Starting off with a lie, tells me you’re liar. And that “only lie I’ll ever tell you” line is lie number 2. Run!

~ Day in my life as a matchmaker ~ Potential client: why can’t you tell women I’m 39? Me: because you’re 46. Potential client: my age on Hinge is 39, and when I meet a woman for a date, I just reveal my true age upfront and say, “That's only time I’ll ever lie to you.” Me: uhh... Potential client: it’s quite effective. Only one woman ever has walked out on me after I say my real age. Me: well you're on the phone with me, so it can’t be that effective 🤨

@Draven1683 It's not controversial. You're simply stating a fact

Unpopular Canadian opinion: Tim Horton’s quality has fallen off a cliff. The coffee is undrinkable & the donuts are an afterthought, with most of the icing left in the box, if you’re able to even get a decent donut after 10AM. I think they need the competition

@atrupar But the sun is always shining and the wind always blowing in China. Everyone knows that 🙄

MIN: Do you know how much new energy China put online last year? BURGUM: Intermittent or base load? MIN: All energy. 543 GW. How much was renewable? 434 GW. BURGUM: But only when the wind is blowing and sun is shining MIN: Meanwhile, the US put up 53 GW of new energy last year -- less than 10% of China. You're clear bias against renewables is harming our national security.

@NozRuc @todayyearsold So far

Hotel check-in should be at 11AM, and checkout should be at ЗРM

@MapleLeaves34 Why would Vancouver do that?

Call me crazy, get Vancouver to eat $2M of Elias Pettersson's contract, and they take Morgan Rielly, bring EP40 to Toronto! There's no other 2C we are acquiring. No assets to trade for one and none in the free agency market. Maybe Mats Sundin can help unlock the potential 🇸🇪

@adgirlMM State Department

Here's a list of actors who are equally qualified and would be better at the job than the current box of clowns in the White House. 1. President: Martin Sheen (President Bartlet) 2. Sec of Health: Patrick Dempsey (Dr. Derek Shepherd) 3. VP: Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep) 4. Sec of Interior: Amy Poehler (Leslie Knope) 🌲 5. Chief of Staff: Bradley Whitford (Josh Lyman) 6. Sec of Defense: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson 7. FBI: Jodie Foster (Clarice Starling) Who else?