Spoctor Dooner

The Duke of Wellington?

The audio tours for medieval castles should have a separate channel for people who are not complete idiots, who want to hear a deadpan description of the history of each room with absolutely no struggling actors hamming it up pretending to be a nobleman or a lowly washerwoman.

I made the mistake of emailing my little guy’s teacher and saying something like ‘dia dhuit.’ Now everything has escalated out of control, we are only speaking Irish, and I am breaking Google translate. I fear the next parent meeting.

The man @NYCMayorsOffice is trolling gave $400 million to @MSKCC_BreastCA cancer hospital, $60 million to @SuccessCharters & $40 million to #NaturalHistoryMuseum. So, yeah Zohran, I think Ken Griffin is “paying his share.” Such a jackass, juvenile move to play @DSA class warfare with Griffin. Grow up. @nycgov @CMFrankMorano @CM_KMarmorato @GaleBrewerNYC @CMSandyNurse @SpeakerMenin @LincolnRestler @OsseChi @JoannAriola32 @vmmalony . Zohran, put the ego aside & try showing appreciation 4 this philanthropy.

I hate, hate, hate being forced to watch a video to learn something when I could read at 10x the speed. Videos are for cattle. "Hey guys, today we'll be talking about X -- X is a fascinating topic, and a lot of you have been requesting I talk about X, so..." - Shut up, Shut up!

Libs: “we need to make Trump look bad” Journalist: “hey get a shot where he’s wearing royal purple and looks taller than a jumbo jet and has a 10 foot dick and everyone around him is kneeling or staring in awe”

Hi, algorithm ... I do not care about the soccer lesbians ffs.

EU leaders assisting Trump to reopen the Strait of Hormuz.

Have you ever been to a small town parade that has horses in it? Do you remember the guy at the very end of the parade with a broom and a dust bin on a long handle, sweeping up the horse poop? Yeah.

Why everybody on LinkedIn thrilled all the time

In an ideal world Ireland wouldn’t be full of mentally retarded communists like Kneecap

Kann man nicht oft genug wiederholen: Bei einer echten Pandemie hätte es keine gefälschten Impfausweise gegeben, sondern einen Schwarzmarkt für Impfstoffe. Vergesst das niemals.

My gym teacher used to always ask me to join the volleyball team and I was like dude I'm from Dorchester, Massachusetts my friends simply aren't going to allow me to do this

farmer ahead of me in the cafe ordered by saying “give me one of those… fuckin… lattes yokes or whatever” and is blushing like crazy

Most Americans who call themselves Irish aren’t talking about the same thing as the famine Irish of Boston and New York. A huge number are really Scots-Irish — English and Scottish border stock, Protestant frontier people whose ancestors came out of the borderlands, were planted in Ulster, then pushed into Appalachia, Tennessee, Kentucky and the South. Not Dublin. Not Cork. Not the tenements. A harder, older story of border clans, rifles, honour, feuds, distrust of authority and life on the edge of empire. The green beer version of Irish-American identity hides a lot. For millions, the real roots are English, Scottish, Ulster, frontier, Presbyterian, hill country and rebellion. Different people. Different history. Different temperament. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇬🇧

@JonPaula @BowTiedTrance Knob

@BowTiedTrance What is K supposed to be?

Years ago, I memorized the NATO Phonetic Alphabet because I thought it was the most accurate. Over the phone, even if you're trying to say something like, "N as in 'Night'," it can still be misheard as, "M as in 'Might,'" you know? So I just went with the standard NATO template. I got off the phone this morning with a guy at a business where I needed to give him my email address, so I'm doing the thing, "... Alpha ... Kilo ..." etc. He says, "What branch of the service were you in?" Apparently "no one ever says 'kilo,' that's a dead giveaway." 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Please let this be real.

Things that bring me joy: babies, the smell of baking, golden era Simpsons episodes. Things that do not bring me joy: blokes dressed in grotesque parody of womanhood twerking and having the audacity to call it an art form.