Andrew Gioia

I want my tombstone written in comic sans

Damn there’s probably no wait at the Nobu in Malibu right now

@tweetsauce Well, you'd be half of a butt. Halfbutt Hal but Halibut You're a fish.

You're a legend. Legend. Leg end. You're the end of a leg. You're a butt.

This is such a great story that summed up the great Brody Stevens.

@Chilis @Trey_Parker twitter.com/theandrewgioia…

If you go to chilis and donate any amount to St. Jude’s upon receiving your check, they let you… instagram.com/p/Be4CYKwnAqu/

Welcome home, @RealDonaldTrump! While you were gone we started actually punishing people for sexual harassment so, you know, heads up.

forbes should try listing the poorest people

pluto has announced they do not consider earth a planet

Is regret vegan

University of Florida Denies Request For Speaking Event (08.16.17) facebook.com/notes/office-o…

Finland is a country, not East Sweden

McDonalds literally sent us a bottle of the Mulan sauce with a Rick & Morty label. This is insane. twitter.com/justinroiland/…

Thousands of trans service-members on the front lines deserve better from their commander-in-chief, @realDonaldTrump. Contact the ACLU.

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help, i'm on a deserted island and i'm so sick of that one album i brought with me

i got a ticket for driving a tractor on the highway., which i think is bullshit because the police man was driving a tractor as well

if you are lonely just park illegally and then ask the parking ticket lady out on a date

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I spend all my money on craft beer but sometimes I spend it on ---

Dad stop, you're embarrassing me. *misses free throw* twitter.com/sportscenter/s…