Ian

@LUDENClassics @Timoldland It’d be the fastest British Gas service engineer in the UK. 😂

@Timoldland I didn't realise they had to be in official Tim spec to sell 🤣

Can’t help feeling Bramley are going to struggle to shift this Alpina B3 GT. The blue works fine, but not with gold wheels. They need to be silver or grey (NOT black). The bumper/exhaust surround panel doesn’t work in this colour either, needs to be gloss black. bramley.com/stock/2025-alp…

🪫 #f1 #formula1 #chinesegp #maxverstappen #fernandoalonso

You dreamed it. We built it. The BMW M3 Touring 24H. What began as an April Fools’ joke turned into reality after your overwhelming demand in 2025. This beast is ready to take on the 24 Hours of Nürburgring—one race only. #WeBuiltIt

Labour really is nonce central. Mandelson was vetted by disgraced friend. telegraph.co.uk/politics/2026/…

@boblister_poole Choo, Choo!!

This is Chloe King 35 & she is the candidate for The Green Party in Bury's council by-election. She’s currently unemployed due to ill health, I’m out every day with fellow dog walkers, talking to friends & neighbours. If She Can Stand As A Councillor, She Should Get A Proper Job

@mdrecruit2011 @WillColeshill @LynnG159 By doing a PPE degree…

@WillColeshill @LynnG159 How does a Chinese migrant become an MP Let me try that in reverse…. I think I need to return to the UK Born and bred in the 60s And become an MP My country clearly needs me Humbly yours

A Chinese 🇨🇳 migrant, Yuan Yang MP (杨缘), elected by migrants on a tiny 1.9% margin, just voted to abolish the ancient rights of Englishmen 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 to trial by jury, which we've held & defended with our blood for over a thousand years. Enoch was right. 🇬🇧

@ShamiKalra @NGAutoArt @micky_h76 Perhaps lean into Shami. NASCAR edition watch with boxing gloves on the hands. 😂

@NGAutoArt @micky_h76 Protecting the integrity of your brand is THE most important thing about running a company. So yes I’d be looking to terminate agreements.

I don’t get how NASCAR thinks this is a good look for a professional sport.

@SteveInmanClips His mate at the end ‘Oi, behave’ 🤣🤣🤣

No commentary needed, only sound effects for this trainwreck. 😂

@SteveInmanClips Sorry Steve, you need to retire now, you’re never going to top this. At the very least, it needs to be pinned.

@SwollocksInfo @SartorialThug Are you kinda saying you’d have preferred the OP more if the guy had been bummed…?

@SartorialThug I read the tweet you responded to expecting the guy to be bummed in the airplanes bog. Prefer your story to be honest.

What a nice story. Some years ago, I was on a train to London. A well dressed lady sat opposite me and burst into tears*. I asked if she was ok, if she wanted to talk... We did. Talked and laughed all the way to St Pancras. She was happier at the end of the journey than the start. We swapped numbers and had a filthy, lust filled six months. A proper posh lady and a degenerate cockicidal maniac when moistened up. Time is the one of the greatest gifts you can give and, you never know, it might lead to you hanging out the back of a well-heeled strumpet. *She was sad because she had dropped her daughter at university and was going to miss her.

@EssexPR Has anyone asked how that flagship ‘one in, one out’ pilot is going?

Because we have a Government that encourages them to come here…

@NormanBrennan @DavidLammy Love the girl thinking they were using rulers. Obvs an easy mistake to make with engineers and mathematicians…

BREAKING NEWS; Swords out in Slough as two Gladiators are seen in training; normally watched in an Arena but nowadays you can watch them from enclosed premises across Britain; under @DavidLammy proposals they will be told to stop being naughty boys🤷‍♂️👇🙄

@history99917180 And this is the article linked to it. Double f’ck me!

@SwedishRealEst F’ck me!

In a cafe with a mate. Bloke has turned up on a white BMW RT with yellow stripes on it. He’s wearing a white crash helmet and yellow jacket. He’s even put stripes on the panniers. Clearly trying to look like a job bike. What a sad twat.

Hear me out, I know this is controversial, but how about walloping phone thieves with truncheons and putting them in prison?

@BettyBoochichi2 TBF why do we need emergency vehicles to have a gazillion lumens of flashing lights? I consider this every time I’m abroad and they still run round - just as effectively - with little more than a one blue beacon and a muted siren.

A police force on a mission to have a more diverse and inclusive culture has been told by a panel of people with autism that its use of flashing blue lights could cause distress. bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

Yippee Kai Yay!! #LEVARS

@xWeLsH_DaZzLeRx @____PM1O Coz you’ve got this bloke ‘settling in’

@____PM1O Flew back from Krakow a few weeks back. Speedy boarding went by. Then us cheap folk. We were held up on the stairs by the speedy boarding 😂. Literally all of us in the stairs case waiting to be guided to the plane.

Proper sausage if you pay for speedy boarding just to sit on a plane that we are all getting on to leave at the same time anyway

@DanNeidle Did Lamal not turn up; was he too shy, shy? Sorry, poor play on words pun, couldn’t help it.

I know the result - I have an embargoed copy but court rules mean I can't talk about it until it's officially released.

A tax barrister is suing me personally for £8m for libel, for linking him to a dodgy tax avoidance scheme. The judgment is due out tomorrow 12pm. I'll post about it as soon as it's out.

What in the name of DA is going on here?