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Dave: “Alright, who’s next?”
Caller: “Hey Dave. I’m the Pac-12.”
Dave: “Okay… what’s going on?”
Caller: “Well, I lost almost all my assets two years ago.”
Dave: “That’s unfortunate.”
Caller: “So I bought six Group of Five programs.”
Dave: “Are they power conference ready?”
Caller: “No.”
Dave: “…I’m sorry?”
Caller: “But I still tell everyone I’m a Power Conference.”
Dave: “Based on what?”
Caller: “The logo.”
Dave: “No, no. I mean based on what teams?.”
Caller: “Well… we used to have USC and Oregon.”
Dave: “Used to have?”
Caller: “They’re with someone else now.”
Dave: “So your millionaire uncle moved out, took all the furniture, and you’re telling the bank the house is still worth the same.”
Caller: “Our flagship programs are Oregon State and Texas State now.”
Dave: “…Did you just say Texas State?”
Caller: “Yeah, but we still think we’re a Power Conference.”
Dave: “Sir, that’s like losing your Fortune 500 company and telling me your lawn mowing business keeps you in the same tax bracket.”
Caller: “So… we’re not P4?”
Dave: “You’re arguing with the appraisal after selling the mansion.”
English
