TLDR News

BREAKING: Donald Trump has declared preemptive strike on Iranian schoolgirls — "We can't wait until they're 18"

Joe Kent downloaded "almost a terabyte" of Tulsi Gabbard's "pussy pics" before resigning: sealed indictment

HEARTBREAKING: Zohran Mamdani has been excommunicated by new Ayatollah for "promoting sodomy"

Kendrick Lamar has demanded a Security Council no-fly zone over Iraq, citing "escalation ladder"

"𝕏 will be n***er-free": @elonmusk announces 𝕏 will soon let users restrict both posts and replies by race

"I will Pardon the first GREAT AMERICAN HERO to Rape @TuckerCarlson": @realDonaldTrump announced in now-deleted Truth Social post

Stephen Miller has not had erection without anal stimulation — developing

SOUR GRAPES: @KatAbughazaleh to launch write-in campaign, citing widespread voter fraud

Kim Jong-Un will NOT CERTIFY landslide victory, citing widespread voting irregularities

TRUMP OFFERED GUAM TO IRAN IN EXCHANGE FOR FREE NAVIGATION THROUGH STRAIT OF HORMUZ: SOURCES

Mamdani has taken Ozempic to help with Ramadan fast: whistleblower

HERO: Sydney Sweeney has offered to "flash her tits" to Ayatollah in exchange for opening Strait of Hormuz

HEARTWARMING: @CharlieKirk11 has gone six months without racist rant #TPUSA #ThanksCharlie

Mamdani has cancelled all staff lunch breaks, citing Ramadan

Trump to re-call retired Gen. Mark Milley to lead Iran War: sources

Biden refuses to blame Trump in upcoming @CBSNews exclusive interview: "The President has no control over gas prices"

Mamdani's "growling tummy" during Ramadan source of intense sexual frustration, says @AOC during Instagram Live #ABDL #ThanksBibi

Biden says Trump has "good judgment" in striking Iran, citing "40 beheaded babies": @CBSNews exclusive #BidenInterview

EXCLUSIVE: Rick and Morty creator @Dan_Harmon has endorsed the Iran War, citing October 7 attacks

We apologize for our usage of the word "rape" without sufficient evidence. We are receiving new reports that the Ayatollah consented, likely reaching "orgasm" within minutes.

🚨AYATOLLAH ALI KHAMENEI RAPED TO DEATH BY SPECIAL FORCES—NOT AIRSTRIKE, @IRGC AUTOPSY REVEALS🚨