zeinaaahahaha everything is fine

I present for your consideration: Jeremy Allan Poe (FKA Edgar Allen White)

Re-re-wind… Was that Craig David with LeBron?

My new therapist tried to hire me to do her social media during our first session and I don’t know whether to be appalled or be flattered that she thinks I’d do a good job. (We’ll be addressing my imposter syndrome, dw)

Obsessed that a playlist entitled ‘lovely songs not about love’ on Spotify is largely about serial killers and heroin. Lovely 🥰

@SoozUK @laughsabbath @comedybar Ooooh! Are you doing anymore shows in Toronto in the next few days?

@xphat @netflix Waiting for the kabaddi docu tbh

@katimccracken You’re wrong, it’s top tier

you truly hate to see it

@katimccracken i thought id go for an impactful statement that's been playing on my mind for literal months

why do straight men love pool tables so much?

@baconchin Pimpley and Pimpleya 🥰

@CanadianTire hi there, we bought a Woods tent on Wednesday and today the elastic in the pole for the front porch snapped. Trying to call Cambie store and struggling to get through - would we need to replace the whole tent or can you give us just the replacement poles? Thanks!

@_chivalryisdead @BandQ Sorry, what?? @BandQ are you really staying quiet on this? You ok with profiling and treating customers this way?

A long awaited update from Papa S. I’ve moved to Vancouver, and he hasn’t quite figured out the 10 hour time difference, so my jet lag has been punctuated by 4.30am calls with him just shout ‘I LOVE YOU’ then hanging up. Very reminiscent of a drunken ex.

Turns out I was on hold because his cousin Zeina called him. It’s always good to know where I rank on the Zeina hierarchy. Lower than I suspected.

Shout out to my dad who has zero chill

@AveryFrancis I’ve booked mine yesterday - just arrived here on Monday! I’m in Vancouver, I can DM you if you need a hand.

Hi Twitter — I need your help 🙏🏽 Can folks from the UK that are currently in Canada that are not Canadian / don’t hold a Canadian passport get their second vaccine? Any help here would be really appreciated.

@baconchin @AbsurdBirdUK Holy moly

No, I didn’t just spend more money than is appropriate on cheese because I fancy the man who works at the cheese shop. On an unrelated note, does anyone want some vacherin because this is too much for one mildly lactose intolerant person?