One (1) Cold, Refreshing Stroh's Classic

Anybody want to help me teach raccoons how to light fires?

Jim Henson Ultraviolence Mix 1957-61 / Wilkins Coffee Ads 💥☕️ sound on☕️💥

Listening to Margaritaville at 8:30AM is a red flag but it’s a red flag with a fun pattern on it.

Body parts are often metaphors. Guts are courage. Balls are courage. Spine is courage. Toes are small pigs that participate in the market economy

Grooming my 17 year old Israeli girlfriend with my personal ideologies, so that when she joins the IDF next year, she'll be able to reform it from the inside for me with the ideas I want. (Taco Tuesday, etc...)

@TheRamenDon It’s a solid name!

@ThatWednesday It's okay I have a note on my phone that says Dimitri Runebrew because I might use that name someday

my new DnD character, Fancyname Compoundword

Referring to my pancakes as “chocolate chipped” in the same way people talk about their pets being micro chipped

I literally skip around the Cattleman’s meat freezer like a kid in a candy store

SPEEEEEN

out for a drive to clear his head

[flirting] nobody commits to the bit like you

If things don’t work out, backup plan is to illegally introduce as many monkey species to North America as possible

When a BPRD agent goes missing, it's up to Hellboy to find them. Explore The Web of Wyrd on consoles and PC, wishlist now: bit.ly/HWWSteam

The most alluring part of fame is how much easier the celebrity jeopardy questions are

How to trap a swamp man cryptid ALIVE and deep fry him, Louisiana bourbon style (🧵)

@Poesby It's the opposite for me. "Did my stomach make a noise? Probably not, there's still bubbles in the water."

I feel like maybe I’d be taken more seriously if most of the things I said weren’t immediately followed by the soft bubbling of a bong. But then again… bong rips.