Christopher

Most guys when they see a beautiful redhead are pathetic they say “Does the carpet match the curtains?” make her remember you by saying “I may need to do an inspection because as we all know a rusty roof means there is moisture in the basement” Follow me for more dating tips.

Oh gawd, now she gonna make lycra racewear ain’t she.

*takes a long drag from a cigarette *looks at your baby *exhales What’s wrong with your dog?

How many loads can I possibly do in one day.

I'll be everyone's hype girl idgaf

Welcome to Twitter. Welcome to misunderstandings.

My tweets may be hard, just scroll to the easy ones.

I’m not sorry for being this way.

Lasagna me, Daddy.

Having a glass of red wine tonight like a classy bish

Please tweet more….how else am I supposed to flirt with you

Wait….is it too late to do a mistletoe tweet or….

I’ve decided that in 2026 I’m going to open a store that sells bespoke couches but it will have a mote around it and a series of obstacles you have to pass to get in and only the people who get in can buy…I shall call it “So near, yet Sofa”

a presence that feels like a full-body takeover

Good thing I’m not here to impress anyone.

Merry Christmas Eve, my pommie chommies.

I’m glass tiger and peach schnapps years old.

and yes… I felt that

Pick the sock lint out from between each other’s toes and chill?

Your Christmas present is another year of my great advice, namaste.