The Daily Mire

#BREAKING: Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau Tries To Ban Mankind From Canada; Mankind Bashes Him With Metal Folding Chair.

Excited to see that @Bentkey’s A Wonderful Day with MABEL MACLAY got a nomination for Best Mixed-Media Series! Yay! 👩🏼‍🦰🐶🍿

CUTE: Anti-Gun Enthusiast Believes His Tweets Are As Important As “Lincoln’s Declaration Of The Constitution Or Whatever.”

REPORT: Area Man Waiting At DMV Can’t Stop Mumbling “This is bullshit, man.”

STUDY: People Who Put Fingertips Together While Listening Are 20% More Likely To Be Pretentious A**holes.

REPORT: Man Identifying As Dog Wins Best In Show At Westminster Dog Show; 2nd Place Chow Chow Furious.

REPORT: Devil Claims “It’s A Rebuilding Year” After Taking 1,985th Consecutive Easter Loss.

someone take me over

@TheDailyMire Why?

Someone take over this account!

REPORT - Jim Acosta Hopes To Hold Four Mics At Once Someday.

GENEALOGY: In an Incredible Plot Twist, Ancestry.com At-Home Genetic Test Reveals Elizabeth Warren is a Direct Descendant of John Smith.

JUST IN: If Elected, Dem Candidate Joe Biden Willing To Pardon Son Hunter Biden’s Past Malarkey.

@MattsIdeaShop is closed for repair.

BREAKING: @RealDonaldTrump Awards Democrats With Participation Trophy Following Collusion Loss.

BREAKING - Hundreds Come Forward To Accuse Beto O’Rourke Of Making Inappropriate Contact With Tables And Countertops.

REPORT - Joe Biden Launches Fund Raising Campaign; Requests Monetary Contributions And/Or Hair Clippings.

BREAKING: Democrat Announces He Isn’t Running For President.

IOWA - Beto O’Rourke Moments Before Fracturing Woman’s Collar Bone In An Attempt To Crowd Surf At Campaign Event.

REPORT: Beto O’Rourke Announces Plans To Run For President Of The American Furry Association.