The Delusional Gentleman

My wife tells me I'm the best thing to ever happen to her. Boy, has she had a crappy existence.

The last time I had faith in the news was when it was with Huey Lewis

I miss interacting with 10-15 accounts on here. They always make me laugh but my feed is a nightmare. I just can't deal with it. I'll keep checking in to see if it changes.

Chuck Norris admitted to using stunt doubles but only for the crying parts. Chuck doesn't guest star, he guest kicks! 😆🥋🦵🏻

@iowahawkblog Saw them in concert at a smaller venue. Great show until they went on a political rant. Then I lost interest. I don't go to concerts for opinions, I go for music.

IDGAF, this is one of the greatest bands ever to exist x.com/JukeBoxNonStop…

Where do you even begin?

Show us how you know when you’re home in a photo!

@ChristianPunsOG Proof it isn't my fault.

@janefkndoe Flying sea rats, cousin of the flying city rat.

7yo calls seagulls “sea eagles”

Day drinking is dangerous. One minute you're eating breakfast and then the next you're sending a, "you up?" text at 2:30pm.

You can't have it both ways. I'm either a bad listener or that other thing you said.

“What’s in your potato salad?” Me: I skipped a few steps “So what’s in it?” Me: tater tots

Range time.

Me: Please print the document with black ink only. Printer: We need cyan.

This asshat is getting dragged badly.

9 Weeks to improve my vertical jump... Did this weird style of training work?

@deloisivete Esyay

No one: My 8yo: have you ever heard of this language called pork latin