homer simpson

i love you rice with some bullshit

Only a small exaggeration

you're laughing. the Pope is soft on crime and you're laughing

Publisher: So you've given us a book about a big friendly giant, one about an enormous crocodile, and another where a granny grows as big as a house. What's new? Roald Dahl: There's this peach... Publisher: Is it - Roald Dahl: It's fucking huge

he’s right those are the two options

don’t be like that your honor

thinking about this a lot today #artemis

the crew cried as they became the furthest people from earth, they named the Integrity crater after one of the astronaut’s deceased wife. i love humanity, i love how we go to the moon and we name that bright spot after someone loved. we name that crater after the spaceship craft that carried them so far. something about us being so small, barely making a dent in the universe, but still going with love.

@mrkocnnll “Then another marg tower”

my journal entries these days

ME: Can I buy you a drink? HER: I have a boyfriend. ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then.

Ok you’re bleeding from the head. That’s good. that means you’re getting all the injury out

and I could tell you his favorite color's green 💚 he loves to argue born on the seventeenth 🍀

The nicest thing you can get from McDonald’s is the ice in the coke

All I can say when it’s raining heavily is ‘oh my god the rain’

taking a harry potter quizz and its like: You hear a STRANGE NOISE at NIGHT 👀 WHAT do you decide to do ? A: HIDE like a COWARD B: go and CHECK IT OUT (brave) 🦁 C: wait and THINK 🤔 D: HELP THEM !

i feel like Butters

When Mike from love is blind finds out that a couple from first dates Ireland are having a baby

As a kid I pretended to have an imaginary friend because I was like “what kid doesn’t have an imaginary friend“

it’s the finale and I do not know one thing about this man other than he wants kids #LoveIsBlind