Skurt Vonnegut

Let's roleplay. You be David Hasselhoff and I'll be a floor cheeseburger.

@IronballsMcGinT I hate his little wormy face so much. I've hated him for years. In fact, I hate him so much that I need a support group for HATING JIMMY FALLON. Big hugs, love. Thinking of you. And hating Jimmy Fallon. ❤️❤️

Jimmy Fallon is a blight on the world.

I think my pants are magic (suspiciously)

Honestly, I don’t know what to think. Any ideas?

Chucked out of the gutter, sniping at the stars.

Million dollar idea: A service that offers home delivery of flaming bags of dog poop to your co-workers.

pressed some wildflowers for someone

@RonaldPSeyb @SunshineJarboly no. and what's a loaf

I do not speak hockey but I am willing to learn your language, friend

@FFmaxhyde Oh 😂

@ThisLocalHater Cheers? I gambled and lost...good thing its drink strength and not the farm

Unfortunately this drink fucking poured was not OT fucking friendly

i can promise you i will never love anyone enough to ride a tandem bike with them

It's so scary when someone follows me

It’s fine- my car loves its little curb snacks.

Grow your butt bigger now!!!!!!!!

Buying a meat slicer to cut my jeans into summer shorts

You guys ruined the song Come On Eileen

My guide dog said he thinks we should see other people.

I would never alarm smoke. I love smoke