Timothy G. E. Ruffer

@anon_opin Why can't you get a coffee? A coffee is what you're getting from them. You think it should be having a coffee? A coffee is what you have once you get it. You are asking them to get you a coffee. "Can I get a coffee (from you)?"

I'm getting really pissed off with all the Americanisms that are creeping their way into British society. It's a dog LEAD, no you can't pet my dog, you can PAT it, and no, you can't get a coffee, not unless you're going to go around the counter and make it yourself.

On this day in 2005 🗓️ Someone gave Delia Smith a microphone and history was made.

@RopesToInfinity @keewa How dare she not be a one dimensional character who appeals solely to my demographics!

Doing plumbing ironically, one eyebrow arched at all times

@CantEverDie Their candidate was Sir Oink-a-Lot

UK politics are insane because what do you mean a party called “monster raving loony party” is real and got 159 votes

@secondtierpod Welp, we lost the game, but we won The Floor is Lava.

Championship heritage this.

@90sfootball Had the QPR players played football before this match? Like, were they told how it's meant to be played or anything?

Here's QPR conceding three terrible goals against Crystal Palace, 1992.

@woolbrightband Yay, thank you - I've got it now! 🥳🎧🎵

@TimothyGERuffer I just looked into it! We had to manually release it which I didn’t notice before! It should be good to go now :)

Happy record release day to hellbent // heavensent 🪽 It has been a long time coming but we finally made it- more on that later! Stream it, share it, pick up a record. Let us know which song is your favorite :) Thank you for being here <3 Photo: Sal Album art: Sim Morales

@rajat_suresh @SAMOYEDCORE Canonically, the Grinch is not green.

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog Pet store employee: ok are you a guy? Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla Pet store employee: That is fine. Grinch: A green gorilla Employee: Doesn’t matter

@pants Canonically, everyone in the pants universe is serving cake

@destinyselder No way, that's a text that would've got me to commit, not break up!

Not the worst (and also I wouldn’t count it as a breakup) But objectively the funniest

@techhalla This is what going insane feels like.

Sitcoms will never be the same. This is fully AI generated in LTX-2 x.com/fofrAI/status/…

@sferik My sons (currently 6 and 9) told me that if there's an infinite number of numbers, then any sound you make could be the name of a number. Then both started making random noises, claiming them to be numbers.

6yo: What’s the biggest number? Me: There are an infinite number of numbers so there’s no biggest one. 6yo: What’s the biggest number you know the name of? Me: A googolplex. 6yo: Which is bigger, a googolplex or a googoobazillion? Me: There’s not a number named a googoobazillion. 6yo: If there are an infinite number of numbers, there must be one named a googoobazillion. Checkmate.

@pants Oh I love this so much! Such a clear little story within two pictures!

@tiemoose Hey moose, I hope I'm not too late. Hang in there. Things can get better.

@graceyldn Has anyone expressed an interest in walking/hiking, travelling or dogs?

@thisisnaomie I can read this, your test has worked!

I have to do a test post… the algorithm is wack now… stand by…

@pants This is absolutely superb. Classic Joshua Pants.

@ghostamanita Beach Bunny, Thick, Woolbright, Pool Kids, Weakened Friends, Fresh, Cheerbleederz, The Beths, Charly Bliss, Camp Cope, Mannequin Pussy, Remember Sports, Future Teens (sometimes), Suds, Teenage Joans...

EVERYBODY SAY YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE FRONTED BANDS *WITHOUT* SAYING PARAMORE AND EVANESCENCE CHALLENGE GO!11!!1!!1!

@hayasaka_aryan Do you really think that? That if someone had said "You're not a woman", that would have made the difference? You don't think addressing this person's racist and violent tendencies might have had a bigger impact?

Children are dead because people were too afraid to tell this freak that he wasn’t a woman