You know

I’ve started using “good gravy” around the house as an exclamation, and guys, it’s going great.

😡

Our softball team lost, I fired the scoreboard operator.

When a history museum rewrites history to appease the president, it stops being a museum and starts being state propaganda. Straight-up Orwellian.

We are officially living in the timeline where the Emperor has no clothes, but if you tell him, you're fired.

You got caught looking at pictures of naked women during a school board meeting. Shut up.

You wanted a reality show host as a president, well now you’re on Survivor.

MAGA controls the Senate, House, White House, FBI, DOJ, DHS, HHS, OPM, the Pentagon, arguably the Supreme Court, and more. If you’re still blaming Biden six months into Donny “I’ll fix it all on day one” Trump’s term, you need a reality check.

MAGA: Defund NOAA!!! Democrats: Doing that will harm weather predictions. MAGA: No, it won't! * Flash flood kill 27 and leave 20 + missing * MAGA: WHY DIDN'T NOAA WARN US IN TIME!!!!

If you’re wearing “Alligator Alcatraz” merch you might was well be wearing a swastika.

never thought these words would have to be uttered but a PRISON should not have MERCH… you people belong in fucking hell

I always wondered as a kid " how did the Holocaust happen?" It's so fucking obvious now, wow.

Turns out we’ve got a lot of really, really bad people in this country. And almost none of them are undocumented immigrants.

unfortunately i have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

Happy Juneteenth

We had a political assassination in America six days ago and nobody's even talking about it anymore. To hell with this 24-hour news cycle bullshit