Chris Lavis

“An Open Letter to the Parent Who Invited the Whole Class—Except My Son… Hi there, I know we don’t know each other well, but our children are in the same class. Recently, your child handed out birthday invitations to all 22 classmates—except my son, Sawyer. This wasn’t an oversight. It was a choice. And I want you to know—we don’t expect to be invited to every birthday party. When Sawyer had his party last year, we kept it small too. We understand that not every child can be included every time. But in this case, you chose to include everyone except him. And that’s what made it different. It wasn’t because he’s mean—he’s the happiest little boy you’ll ever meet. It wasn’t because he isn’t fun—his laughter is contagious. It wasn’t because your child and mine don’t get along—Sawyer talks about your child often, with excitement and kindness. The only reason is because my son has Down Syndrome. I don’t write this in anger. I write it because I believe this is an opportunity—for reflection, for growth, for understanding. Down Syndrome doesn’t mean you don’t want friends. It doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. It doesn’t mean you don’t love birthday parties. People with Down Syndrome want the same things we all want—love, connection, belonging. Sometimes it takes a little patience to understand Sawyer’s words, but his laughter, his joy, and his love need no explanation at all. I’ll admit something honestly—I used to be like you. Before Sawyer, I didn’t understand. I was unsure, maybe even a little uncomfortable, because I didn’t know what to expect. But Sawyer changed that. He’s taught me more about joy, resilience, and unconditional love than I ever imagined possible. His siblings have grown up with a deeper sense of empathy and connection because they’ve learned that being different doesn’t mean being less. Maybe your child didn’t want him there. Maybe you weren’t sure how to handle it. But that’s where parenting matters most. This was a moment—a real, meaningful moment—to teach your child something powerful: That inclusion matters. That kindness matters. That leaving someone out because they’re different is never okay. It could have been a simple conversation. A small lesson. But one that could shape how your child sees others for the rest of their life. And I’ll be honest—I’ve reflected on my part too. I never introduced Sawyer to his class as “a child with Down Syndrome.” I’ve always just seen him as Sawyer. But maybe if I had taken the time to explain, to educate, to open that door for understanding, things might have been different. So yes, I’m hurt. But more than that, I’m hopeful. Because I believe you and I both want the same thing—for our children to grow up feeling loved, accepted, and included. For them to learn compassion. For them to never feel like they don’t belong. Please know—I’m not here to fight you. I’m here to talk, if you ever want to. I’m here to advocate, not just for my son, but for every child who deserves to be seen. Because every child deserves more than just a seat in the classroom. They deserve an invitation to belong.” Jennifer Kiss-Engele