NAFO_trinzu🇪🇪❤️🇺🇦🔱🦉@trinzu
When we lost friends this week, my phone didn’t stop ringing.
I had calls with our mutual friends when I was the one informing the guys about the losses… and calls from the guys who were the ones to tell me.
We cried over the phone with big, strong defenders with broken voices and we tried to make sense of something that never will.
It’s no secret that I’m not enlisted. I’m not officially a defender. I’m just a volunteer but I’ve been here almost two and a half years now. And when you live this long beside the military, share the same bases, the same cold mornings, the same sleepless nights it becomes a part of you.
Some guys told me, “You understand us.”
They said I understand the mindset, the pain, the losses, the silence. That I understand because I’ve been here long enough to see it, feel it, live it.
I never thought about it like that but maybe they’re right. Maybe I do understand. At least more than a regular civilian ever could.
I understand what it means when we say “they died doing their job.” I understand what pride and honor mean here and what they cost. I understand that we don’t have time to grieve. That the world keeps moving, and we just keep going, because we must.
And whether I want it or not, there are now things I can only talk about with defenders or other volunteers because they understand.
Sometimes I feel like my family doesn’t understand and my civilian friends don’t. And I’ve stopped trying to explain.
Because the people who live this life,the ones who fight, who patch wounds, who bury friends, they understand without words. You can stand in silence next to them, and they know.
They know the grief, the exhaustion, the chaos inside your head. They understand why you go quiet for weeks, why you disappear, why your eyes look empty sometimes. It’s not because you don’t care. It’s because your heart is tired.
Life here changes you. It damages you in ways you can’t put into words. And still, we keep moving.
Social media shows the smiles, the sunsets, the laughter but it hides the pain, the tears, the nightmares. We keep the darkest parts to ourselves.
That’s life here in Ukraine.
And only those who live it truly understand.
