Toilet Tweets

@TomBrady Pretty shit swing there Tombo

When you forget the kids are in the cart...

If you stand on a toilet you’re probably high on pot.

@AlaskaAir We were on flight 851 for almost 5 hours then it got cancelled because of mechanical issues now we are on 145 and it still hasn’t taken off. We got on this plane 4 hours ago.

@TurdTweetin I'm very sorry for the delays. What is your flight number? -Maeghan

I haven’t ever seen anyone take as big of shit as the saints just did. #pray4neworleans

<calls radio station> Me: I’d like to dedicate that song “wake me up before you go go” RS: Great! Who is the lucky lady? Me: My bladder. RS: ........ Me: HELLO?!?

Surprising fact poop joke aren’t my favorite but that are my number two!

@LadyM_07 Glass of wine will do bad things to your toilet the next day

I would do bad things for a glass of wine right now.

Good morning world! No get the fuck out of my way need to take a shit

We have smart homes but when are we going to start including the toilet into them

Sitting on the toilet watching the CFP halftime show and lil Wayne looks like a cross between the hamburgler and my grandma

@BarstoolBigCat Care to comment?

This Alabama kicker may be the worst kicker I’ve ever seen

How often do you put a tampon in your butt to stop leakage? Be honest...

Recapping the NFL games this weekend from the toilet this morning who shat the bed more Seahawks or Bears?

@skoch1024 You okay?

@TurdTweetin mannaqkkooooakaioqikkqnakkjoaan#ajjjjjjjqqjjqkjjjjjjqjkojkki

@adriana_559 You probably need to empty your bowels or bladder

Life happens between your search for the next toilet to sit on

@aiathaman I got the same text but I was naked on the toilet about to slip into a bath tub. #soberlife

Comically relief on the toilet

Greatest hype song before pinching one off to the porcelain king.... ready go