Simon W

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP 😂 ‘spitting image of Angela Rayner’ - I’m an uncanny resemblance of John Profumo, which can make getting into clubs with extremely elderly door staff a little tricky.

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP Well one has to make allowances for DH who is obviously insane.I mean I may be the spitting image of Angela Rayner but I’m sure you won’t find her in ‘The Jewel of the Orient’in Trorquay on a wet Friday night.🤣🤣 (Very nice curry though).

This is why my dear wife Bunty and I read The Daily Mail. Let’s look at today’s Mail: A selection of high brow, thoughtful articles that are well written and demanding attention. Congratulations Daily Mail, you truly are this nation’s finest newspaper! 📰 🥳👏

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP Exposed as a ‘SPAD’ - oh the ignominy. Was it for Michael Gove? 😃

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP I heard about your grandmothers sad case and was quite shocked. One can never be too careful. There was I picking up a takeaway curry one evening when a man,(code name:DH)threatened to expose me as a government SPAD.I phoned an ambulance and he’s never been seen again.Thank God.

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP 😁😁 the ‘ Brown-Capped Lesser Spotted Westminster Long Tailed Traitorous Tit’ What a result for David. I hope he didn’t confuse it with the Brown-Capped Greater Spotted Westminster Long Tailed Thirty Bob Lee Tit. It also changes its plumage but for less money.

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP I believe Sir David Attenborough thought he spotted it once with his 1000x magnifying binoculars,but even he couldn’t be exactly sure,owing to the tits habit of shedding its plumage frequently,exchanging its city feathers for bright turquoise wing feathers and a brown flat cap🤣

Hello Sarge. That pack of missing Reform MPs who escaped from Parliament? I’ve spotted ‘em Sarge. They’re outside Tesco Express. They’re raiding the bins for food & are trying to hunt starlings & sparrows.They look in a bad way Sarge, one’s limping & another has cuts to his legs.

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP 😆😆 virtually extinct in Clacton, unless there’s a film crew.

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP Yes,a most undesirable visitor to the bird table. Aggressive habits,occupies other birds nests and eats their eggs. Has an unpleasant call rather like a hiss. Rarely ,if ever seen in its natural habitat Clacton,but has been known to fly very long distances quite frequently.😆😆

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP Ahh the Lesser Spotted Westminster Long Tailed Traitorous Tit. The yellow trousers and a desire on the weekends to pretend to be farmer are common features. Easily scared off by the WI 😀

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP most disturbing behaviour . I note that the current chairperson of the WI is there with her heavy shopping bag,ready to give them a good clunking. The little one with yellow trousers ran away crying and they were last seen on the A38 thumbing a lift.In the rain.

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP She does, & might be a Christian to boot. 😇

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP The pun or the bun? Either way she looks a good sport.😊

Nigel Farage trying to make out he’s some sort of football fan at Ipswich Town FC yesterday?🙈 He’ll never beat these two great footballing giants: Boris and Rishi! ⚽️💪

@AnnMile71721158 @MichaelTakeMP 😁😁 even the new AoC would have appreciated the pun.

@Whywickers @MichaelTakeMP ‘Farage couldn’t cross a bun’.🤣🤣 Immortal words Sir S.

@MichaelTakeMP @drdavidbull Oooo he’s got all the meaningless popularist Polari, Sir M, Meeting up with fellow ex MEPs for an Ipswich gig I’ll wager they played ‘Ode to Joy’ to remember the day they made prats of themselves & brought shame upon themselves & the UK.

@drdavidbull Rylan Look out! You have a rival for the Strictly Come Dancing job. Bully is bronzed, sexy and has polished conkers. He exudes an odour of chives and mint. I bet he waxes down below and does Pilates. 😉

🔥BEHIND THE SCENES in Suffolk! The Reform UK Local Election Tour rolled into Ipswich last night. 👇

@MichaelTakeMP Honour indeed, Sir M, Not since a Praetorian guard shouted at Nero: “Put that fag out!” or Lord Halifax’s heartfelt remark to the PM on his return from Munich: “Another winner Neville” have I felt the hand of history upon such an impotent Conservative. Rise-up! Dorset East

I have been honoured to receive a letter from President Donald Trump. It reads: HIGH MIKE. I AM SO PLEASE TWO BEE ABEL TO RIGHT TO YOU. ASS AN IMPOTENT CONSERVATIVE POLITICIAN I HOPE EYE CAN COUNT ON YOU & YOURE PARTY TO SPORT MY ACTIONS IN THE WORE AGAINST IRON. THINK YOU, DON X

Well done to this fantastic trio! Inspiring a generation of girls to future athletic success and excellence. Wonderful! 🥇🥇🥇

@MichaelTakeMP Shame, Sir M, he didn’t use the restrictive clause “TAT”.

To The United States of America: When your President & his staff don’t know how to spell the word ‘which’ on a missive as important as this then you know you’ve elected a bit of a dick. 😊

@Feargal_Sharkey Poseidon's Throne (but comfy)

My daughter just sent me this, Facebook Marketplace, a £10, she thinks I should I get it? 🤔

In a league of her own! 🤩 @keelyhodgkinson adds world indoor gold to the 800m Olympic gold she won in Paris two years ago #WorldIndoorChamps

@MichaelTakeMP Welcome back from the Front, Sir M, I see our Somme veteran was availing himself of a ‘special’ treatment at the Yurt: ‘They don’t like it up em & jojoba facial splash’

Back from Dubai & what do we find? Lee Anderson being waxed & seductively mouthing the word ‘Anus.’ Bunty has gone all moist. The vicar’s wife has dripped all over her font. Len our Reform UK butcher has just herb crusted his pork & Simple Sally has glued herself to a goat. 😱

@archivetvmus71 A delusional leader who thinks he’s Superman surrounded by weak pandering officials who don’t challenge him. 🙄 the 80s “Whoops!”

Whoops Apocalypse - Autumn Cannibalism (21st March 1982). Prime Minister Kevin Pork (Peter Jones) shares a startling secret.

@SarahWoods66 @LouiseCulmer1 The locomotive version of hearing the first cuckoo of spring.

It’s that time again - the first day of trains past the house

@paullewismoney @Moneybox @BBCRadio4 Depiction of wildlife on our currency - disgraceful 😡 I’m telling Nige.

Why am I showing you this? All will become clear @moneybox starting just after midday @BBCRadio4 but you must wait til the end to find the answer! Meanwhile - and don't look it up - how many of these to the pound then?