Wogan May

@BellaBaddie__ Myself, in the mirror, with the understanding that the mirror shows me what the world sees, not what I see.

who do you talk to at your lowest?

@omgsidewalks I’m crying tears that were meant for my childhood because I was never given a meaningful opportunity to grieve all the things I lost. I’m 36 now.

Delayed grief is very dangerous. You don't cry, you're numb, and you move on like nothing significant happened. You keep suppressing everything until the day it finally escapes, and when it does, it's like a dam bursting, flooding your mind and heart, making it difficult to cope.

The more I come to terms with my own past, and all the suffering that’s resulted, the more I see my story writ large across the human race. None of us knows where we’re going.

@_petalite Someone hurt you once, so far back that you don’t even remember. Until you come to terms with that, your prefrontal cortex will keep problem-solving what your lower brain is throwing at it, by using anything within reach.

i lost my fucking soul i dont know how to get it back i dont know where i lost it theres just a giant fucking hole inside me tearing me apart and i pour drugs and alcohol and money everythinginto the hole to try to fill it but it takes everything so empty so empty so empty so emp

@SeekCindy It’s also the only way to untangle the history of all the things you quietly suffered through so you can begin to heal. I tried ignoring my past for the last 20 years. It caught up to me anyway, because bodies don’t understand the passage of time.

Looking back at the past is the quickest way to freeze yourself into depression.

@rumilyrics “Parents said sorry”

Let's see your positively!

@scottdomes Oh I’m still in the middle of all the pain- went from “gifted youngster” to “burned out, quasi-drug addict” and it’s only in the last few weeks that I’ve really started confronting this stuff. Having zero memories of my parents trying to comfort me was a clue.

@WoganMay that's very painful but also important clarity to hold; good work uncovering that

if you're locked into achieving success or greatness... I think it's worth asking why by that I mean: what do you hope that will give you access to? because if there's actual an unconscious hope that success means you'll finally be seen, or loved, or cared for, or that you'll at last get to relax, and feel at peace... well, maybe that'll happen but that inner yearning is going to distort everything you do. your work will become a vehicle for satisfying that urge. that's not necessarily a bad thing. but it's worth checking in why *must* you be successful? what's at stake here?

@koiicats I’m coming around to the opinion that if it helps you cope, it’s good. The most destructive coping methods out there still leave you above ground, able to fight another day.

i’m trying to reduce my bad coping mechanisms. trying to not resort to harmful tactics to feel better temporary. it’s a hard thing to do when you’re addicted to all the wrong things. it might not seem like much bc most of what i do on here is vent & attempt to find some sort of

Realising just how much your parents didn’t love you (30 years later) is taxing. Best I can tell, neither of my parents did anything to comfort me when I needed it as a child. As an adult, I routinely threat-scan every interaction, even with people I trust.

@G_S_Bhogal What if I’m just attacking people who aren’t here at all?

The time a person spends on this app is proportional to how unfulfilling their real life is. The heaviest users are often the bitterest. This matters because such people vent their life's frustrations by attacking everything, and in so doing, they make their misery contagious.

@constans Turns out depression is happening to more people than we think. Some people just happen to present as high-functioning until something in them finally gives out.

This is clinical depression/dysthymia. Almost textbook.

August 1998 is burned into my memory as the month my parents divorced. But it took another 28 years for me to realize that the small can of fish that I ate (and that my mom yelled at me for) impacted the rest of my life’s worth of eating habits.

Nobody should be using social media for the good of their mental health. But that rule doesn’t apply to anyone going through some shit and just needing a distraction. Trouble is, we’re all going through shit, all the time. Sometimes without realizing.

I’ve decided that my parents are legitimately bad people. One of those things you’re “not supposed to think”, in the parts where I grew up. I’d happily push them both down a tall flight of stairs, given the chance. Not everybody deserves your forgiveness.

I won’t go as far as suing the prescribing physician, but if the standard of psychiatric care is “pattern match to symptom clusters, prescribe trending drug and hope it helps”, it’s a field of “science” we can all do without.

Related: Psychiatry is a sham. It’s the only field of medicine that refuses to look (with imaging) at the organ they ostensibly specialise in (the brain). Four months of Zyprexa later, I’ve had to fend off suicidal ideation more than at any other time in my life.

Hi! My name is Wogan. I was emotionally abused during my childhood by parents who (despite still being alive) want absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. I’ve decided to use my X account to talk exclusively about how their fuckery as parents shaped my life.