Weeman

Ding Dong 🧙

@UKBackintheDay2 Not a Christmas song.

East 17 "Stay Another Day" Children in Need, 1994

If it can be proved that it's not genocide that would be a huge relief. It would mean that it's only a huge massacre, mass killing and widespread slaughter In which case it would be OK.

Who's on the sky blue app as well?

@anon_opin It's an indictment of organised religion...

As poems for young children go, The Walrus and The Carpenter is bloody dark. What the hell, Lewis!

@bushontheradio This knobhead pays for twitter though, so who's the real loser here?

This hurts

I was resigned to missing out, but just managed to pick up 2 tickets at the last minute! Hooray!

@fluffulike @fesshole He's fluent in the language, I can't speak for his accent though.

@_J_Ross_ @fesshole How's his Lithuanian accent?

I wanted to impress a nerdy film fan bloke at work so I thought I'd slag something off. "Dexter Fletcher's terrible English accent ruined Lock Stock for me" is what I went with. I thought he was American because I watched Press Gang as a kid.

To paraphrase the great Stewart Lee: It wasn't just racists that voted for Trump. Cunts did as well.

Americans would rather vote for a rapist than a black woman. Stupid stupid bastards.

Channel 4 are regretting booking these cunts already. #channel4 #AmericaDecides

@Gordon_998877 Fuck off.

@_J_Ross_ Now let me see, I wonder who wins in this Sky Original remake ... my money is on the black woman who has been inserted into the story line!

I have never seen anything so aggressively marketed as The Day Of The Jackal on Sky. So much so that I won't watch it now out of spite. #TheDayOfTheJackal #SkySports

@frankieboyle I thought I was having a bad Monday morning, unlucky socials person.

The other half has just come back from her spa trip with the girls.

@EricIdle I'd always heard that it had to be told in a thick Birmingham accent

My second favourite joke. Must be said in cockney. Whats the difference between a bison and a water buffalo? You can’t wash your hands in a water buffalo.

Watching The Cure BBC special. Bloody hell but Robert Smith is wonderful. A true national treasure. #TheCure

At 17 he's clearly Premier League level, 3 goals (so far) in 2 cup games against Championship teams. #PNEARS

Finally! Jesus makes a glorious comeback! #PNEARS