Mr. Compress

(Hey guys! Just so you know I’m now @ShinsouSleepy ! I switched accounts so go follow me there!!)

It’s ok to be gay

@OjiroTheTail Totally! Warm or cold?

Can someone get me lizard skin? I Need lizard skin

Funny

I have an extremely low attention span, so I can’t do dad jokes anymore

@mrexplodytits @Uravitea2 Oh wait I think I know who it was, I’ll get rid of them no problem

@Uravitea2 Oh I bet it was that one chick I think her name was like Greek dress or something

Does anyone know what IWTSY means? I keep getting texts feom an unknown number and it's just that and the red drop emoji??

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right

I don’t trust stairs, their always up to something

@eraserhead69xxx This guy gets it

What kind of shoes to ninjas wear? Sneakers

@ohhshidooo @ClassRep_Iida Yeah me too *pulls out crossbow*

@ClassRep_Iida I have good aim

@himikoparody *rapid breathing*

@grapeheadlad Not for the same reason, you disgusting grape, I use it because I’m literally a villain, I’m not taking any risks

I’m this fucking close, I’ll fucking do it

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me

When you have an uncomfortable talk with a hawk it’s hawkward (Also happy birthday to my assistant)

How do you make a dead baby float? 2 scoops of soda water and a dead baby

Why can’t bikes stand on their own? Because their two tired

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, he says “I’ll take one, and another for the road!”

@Good_Guy_Googly So your the one that murdered tume