dan vogelbach stan account

I don't follow NBA a ton but shoutout to Bam Margera man

INTERVIEWER (reading resume): Uh, under "Skills" here you have "Knew who Mrs. Doubtfire was right away." ME: It was Robin Williams. It was their dad. INTERVIEWER (whispering to colleague): This is our guy.

what you have to understand about lindsey graham is that he is actively trying to go to hell because that's where he thinks all the gay guys are

DEMOCRATS- “It’s the rights fault” REPUBLICANS- “It’s the lefts fault” Me- “big 3rd down here! Need a stop!”

hate when my boss gives me work to do like please go get some hoes or something

How fat you gotta be to Honk in a drive thru

guy fieri: okay, little lady, walk me through how we’re grillin’ this cheese me: two pieces of white bread, well-buttered. then the star of the show guy fieri: we talkin’ gruyère? pepper jack? gouda? me: kraft single guy fieri: sleazy does it, sister

(after my date orders ten pieces of salmon sashimi) lol grizzly bear ass meal! (realizing she might have grizzly bear friends or family) Mighty and sophisticated animals, they are

You’re in her DMs. I’m in my apartment eurostepping my cat. She can’t guard me

@StatpadGame fun game! can you add the highest possible score for the day somewhere so i dont have to add it up myself?

New Game is live on StatpadGame.com Today we’re doing Hits Reply with your scores down below!👇

Topper: “Hey Nick, we’re going to take you out for defense in the 8th.” Castellanos:

@AJCassavell i have never seen a hitter like 2026 luis campusano. revenge tour begins now

Luis Campusano, extra bases into the left-field corner

Just an incredible example of that great Bo Burnham bit about Stadium Country music. A pandering millionaire metrosexual in $3,000 boots using a grab bag of rural nouns and simple adjectives mad libs style.

praying for every Hooters waitress who has to explain they can’t switch the bar TV to a twitter stream tonight.

Niggas be like “I can fix her” whole time she got 10 other guys tryna fix her too. yall look like a construction crew bob the builder ass niggas

Is yall highschool crush still fine? Mines a stud now & she crip

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

and how exactly is this "good for baseball"?

What if mask off by future was like “Kirkocet, Charlie Kirkocet”

Loudly tearing off toilet paper and rubbing it against my thigh to give the legion of pusseys waiting to use the handicap stall a false sense of hope