Ellie

so much of being a good friend is watching them make predictable mistakes you warn them about and still being there to catch them when they fall AKA embodying the same omniscient and benevolent gaze of the world that watches *me* fuck up and somehow still loves me

"if you manage to avoid parenting your child such that they never physically tense their body into the 'higher probability of ice cream' shape in a way that has unforseen consequences, they won't blame you for everything in therapy" said the zeitgeist "I sure hope this doesn't have unforseen consequences" thought the parent, doing their best to physically tense the body into the "higher probability of their child not blaming them for everything in therapy" shape

framework I’ve found useful for drastically changing my life without needing to blow it all up and start over

most of us try to be better friends by hiding ourselves -- which just guarantees disconnection. people end up connecting with your mask, not you we're hosting a day of games & experiments to break patterns your closest relationships have been stuck in for years next Sat in SF

I know a surprising number of guys who spent all of their 20s making money and all of their 30s trying to learn how to be happy

Joy is a competitive super power. Alysa Liu retired from figure skating at 16. She was tired of not not having fun, tired of being consumed by her sport. She came back two years later with a new goal: to have as much fun on the ice as possible. And now she’s an Olympic gold medalist. Liu won her first national title when she was just 13. But by 16, after competing in the 2022 Olympics, she decided she’d had enough and stepped away. She said pressure and losing her identity trying to be an elite athlete made it all miserable. But then, she said she went on a ski trip that reminded her just how much fun she could have doing a sport. Something in her brain clicked. Maybe she could bring fun to figure skating. Maybe she could approach it in a way that could be full of joy and life and love. She unretired at 18 and won a world championship the next year. At 20, she was ready to face these Olympic games differently than in 2022. Liu went into the women’s figure skating final in third place. After her short program, she said: “Even if I mess up and fall, that’s totally okay, too. I’m fine with any outcome, as long as I’m out there.” One of the greatest competitive advantages is having fun. People love to romanticize the athlete, artist, or entrepreneur who has a chip on their shoulder, fueled by anger and resentment. But the truth is that if you’re not having fun, you are not going to last long at whatever it is you do, and you certainly won’t get the best out of yourself. There’s a foolish idea that you either have to be full of intensity or full of joy. But that’s nonsense. It’s no surprise one of the first things out of Alysa’s mouth after her free skate was: “That was so much fun!” Joy and intensity can coexist, and in the best performers, they almost always do. Alysa is unapologetically authentic and true to her values. She has said where she used to skate to win and be technically perfect, she now uses competition as a chance to show her art, to have fun, and to put herself out there. She’s a fierce athlete with an infectious sense of joy in her sport. And she broke USA's 24-year gold medal draught in women’s figure skating doing it. Excellence requires focus, determination, a little bit of crazy, at times obsession, and living a mundane lifestyle that many people would find boring. But excellence also requires that you find deep joy in your craft, that you learn how to have fun while working hard. What makes for excellence—and not just in sports, but in anything—is the combination of intensity and joy. It’s the latter that makes the former sustainable.

"I don't think I would've learned as much about myself in 10 years of therapy." Applications are open through this Friday night to join the next Sleepawake Immersive: Feb 5-12th in a redwood forest near Santa Cruz More info at the link in our bio