George T. Diano@georgediano
Meet the son of Adonija Gabriel Oguda, a fully grown intellectual who looked in the mirror, nodded respectfully, then decided lemme behave like Sudi. Oguda is currently a soloist in the Kumi Bila Break choir,, singing louder like rent is due and the landlord has already removed the door.
Before he graduated into this nonstop praise & worship ministry, the man was Head of Logistics in Ugunja,, calculating alcohol bills with the seriousness of a lady shaving her office, buying Panadol & condoms for munene, securing coffee supplies, and most importantly, ensuring Opiyo Wandayi never slept alone in hotel rooms.
He was supplying him with yellow yellow damsels & when the budget was tighter, walimwengu said he had to be the damsel. This is the same man who stammers like a Hyundai engine trying to start on a cold morning in Kericho.
When he wasn’t in the office, he was at home babysitting his grandmother’s cat Medusa, a cat that probably had more consistency in life decisions than him. At some point, Oguda even had a dream. He wanted to open a guava juice processing plant in Kolenyo.
But somewhere along the way, the guavas got replaced with Kasongo syrup. Back in the day, Oguda used to wake up early, stretch, yawn, and then PUTS STONE properly on William Ruto & his wife like it was a morning devotion. But then,, hunger my pipoos, Hunger!! Njaa ni kitu mbaya saidii.
Lemme tell you Omwami,, hunger is a very persuasive motivational speaker. The moment the government doors opened after killing the Gen Zs, Oguda’s memory did what Safaricom bundles do,, expired instantly. The same man he was side-eyeing like a suspicious landlord suddenly became the best thing to ever happen to Kenya.
Character development came faster like a man who has just climbed a massive sianda with an indomie foundation. Today, Oguda has evolved into a full-time praise & worship technician. He has become delulu like a broke lady refreshing Jimmy Wanjigi’s son’s Instagram hoping for a miracle DM.
He wakes up every morning to praise Kasongo for rescuing him from poverty. Anyway, a man must survive, but at what cost? Take this to the bank,,, son of Kamagut will have our boy remove balloons from his nose sooner or later. Chesaa! May Yehova Wanyonyi remember the poor son of Adonija. Sisi kama walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀
