Jimmy Quinn Got Married

@Nigel_Farage Says the Pied Piper of Shitty Opinions. He gets a pint while you grab another bottle of expensive fine wine.

I’d like to buy this man a pint. Does anyone know how I can find him?

@TheatreSpoonie We invented The Day of the Triffids, jog on luv.

It's easier to find a salad in the US than it is in the UK... I wish I was joking but salads are standard in most US restaurants including McDonald's. In the UK it's rare to find a salad of any kind in a pub or restaurant.

@OWS1892 Yes, as a Nation we need more roundabouts.

Yes! Let's cut the education budget to fund it!

@dank_ackroyd I blame Sponge Bob Square Pants for this and drugs.

We are so back 😎

@nw_nicholas @SueSuezep Thought Eric Idle was dead.

Reform leader in Doncaster, Howard Rimmer

@anon_opin I draw the line at prawns.

Oysters are horrible, why would someone want to eat something that filters all the crap out of the sea. Do they also lick their dishwasher filter?

@MichaelTakeMP Clacton. The last place anyone would expect to find him, the last place he’d wish to be, surrounded by the sort of people who vote for him.

‘Look! I think I can see where Nigel Farage is hiding.’

@PastorAlexLove …what amma gonna do🎵

There is a CAT on Ferrari 😕

@TheRealJamieKay Folding bedsheets.

Which job do people massively underestimate the difficulty of?

Passed on the dream ticket☹️ #Strictly

@TheRealJamieKay Sadly B is a fool’s paradise, Heinz can stick its 50% Less Tomato Sauce up its bottom.

Which are you choosing?

@anon_opin I guess that would be hard to recreate now without CGI.

The most incredible thing about the 1978 Superman movie isn't a flying alien wearing a pervert suit. It's that the newsroom has so many people. I've been to newsrooms recently and they're normally small and staffed by overworked juniors. I want more journalists.

@ratemyplatenow It’s just the outer shell, I’d get another plate and flip it upside down. Job done👍

Sunday Dinner by Nancy

@dank_ackroyd A word(s) speaks a thousand pictures🙏

It’s wrong to take pictures of people without consent and post them online so what I will say is man with a big crucifix strapped to his back with ‘JESUS’ stencilled on it under a ‘Tommy Robinson Movement’ sticker is having a nightmare trying to fit through these ticket barriers

We're so sad to hear of the death of Dennis Locorriere - the legendary voice at the heart of Dr Hook. He was a remarkable performer and we shall miss him. Dennis was born in New Jersey and made his home here in the UK for the last 24 years.

The boss of Tesco pays himself nearly eleven million quid a year while up to half his staff are so badly paid that they have to claim in-work benefits. Then politicians wonder why people are so pissed off these days.

@stellacreasy We’re the Nowhere Man of Europe because of what we do.

Words fail me. Why do we think we're going to ever get anywhere in Europe when we behave like this? #eurovision2026

Ofcom only employs around 1,500 people, so it is to be congratulated for moving so swiftly—a mere six months!—to see that there might have been a problem with allowing a known fantasist to spout nonsensical falsehoods about a number of subjects without correction or interruption. prospectmagazine.co.uk/ideas/media/73…

Wow #Eurovisión2026

Oh yea, the guy presenter looks like the guy from Eurotrash #Eurovisión2026