Michael J. Foxy Lady

You don't expect me to stop, drop, shut 'em down, and open up shop by myself now, do ya?

I noticed you from across the bar and saw that you aren't gonna eat the pickle that came with your sandwich. Can I have it?

All messed up and nowhere to go.

What (and I can't stress this enough) the fuck?!?

It's been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Six years ago was our last normal week. It hasn't been the same since. We didn't even see it coming.

Raw unfiltered late night conversations are the best kind.

Listen Amanda, I'm not doing dry January to be interesting. I'm doing it so I stop getting fingered in an Ashley Furniture parking lot by guys with roommates.

Not to be romantic or anything, but I'd probably get you a beer while I was up getting one for myself.

I always see people pour a glass of wine and only fill it halfway, and I'm like, one of us is doing this wrong, and I think it's you.

Dropping the Cosby's at the pool takes on a whole new meaning now.

Match on dating site. Chat for a couple of days. Ask to connect on socials. Dude doesn't do socials. Dude starts a FB just for you. Tell your wife I said hi. Unmatch on dating site. Rinse and repeat.....

Chic Fil A tastes like their chickens grew up in a nice neighborhood with both parents.

@Lostwanderer33 Yup. Sigh..... lol

According to my Facebook memories, I was hungover every single year on this day since 2009.

When random objects remind you of him.

@Lucky_1388 Very true! Hard-core bandage it is!

@allisfair On the bright side, you can pick some new material so the nostalgia doesn’t get you 🤷🏻‍♂️

Masterbating after a break up be like, "I'll probably cry, but what's better than an orgasm through tears?"

🎵 Another version of me? Does she peg you like me? Watch you go down on a man at a sex club?🎵 Or whatever the words are...

@Lucky_1388 Same! 😂😂😂

@allisfair Oooo. I could fit a lot 😬🤷🏻‍♂️😂

I packed the bags underneath my eyes, and im doing fine.