Amber Beard

Homegrown tomatoes taste great and are ideal for people who want to eat five hundred of them in a week in early September and none at all for the rest of the year.

Just bought this BBQ from Tesco for £1. Bargain.

“Men, for 58 years: football's coming home, it's coming home Women: oh for god's sake I'll get it myself”

"During a company event at a Colplay concert I offered my head of HR a Murray Mint which she accepted. Whilst singing along to Yellow she accidentally swallowed the mint, and I was forced to perform the Heimlich maneuver just as the Jumbotron camera focused on us."

If somebody isn’t working on a book about a troubled individual travelling throughout Scotland on a whisky trek - called “The Malt Path” - then an author and a publisher are missing a trick!

"Nah, this is fucked, mate"

the lesser-spotted surveillance cat has been activated

My 15 minutes of fame must have happened while I was asleep.

@IMcMillan Oh. If only you’d taken a picture. I could have authenticated it. 😀

One of the greatest brand name mistakes was the Irish airline carrier being called Aer Lingus when Éireplane was right there

A humble, unassuming individual with Peruvian roots who has worn a red hat up until now, you say?

Every year this comes up on my Facebook memories, and every year I have to share it. Because it’s quite simply the best thing you will ever read.

Two things it’s easy to take for granted: a loving, supportive family & to be pain-free & healthy.

Best one?

@daraobriain That’s a pity - we used to go as kids for tea and sticky buns

So, apparently Bewleys is now an extremely loud late night New Orleans style cocktail bar. But can you still get beans and chips?

“What about the orange clown your majesty?” King Charles- Make it look like an accident.

At last…

I have three reviews to go for the Obs but today, after 180 of them, is my last column for OFM. So I thought I’d summarise my searing advice from the last 15 years: the wisdom, the provocations and the stupidities. Enjoy. Or grind your teeth. Your call. theguardian.com/food/2025/feb/…

Bloody hell 😝😝😝😝😝