theandyballoch

Dad: you should put another few bottles of bubbles in the fridge Me: it’s not even 3pm! Dad: it’s been a long year. And THAT is a fucking mood I appreciate.

I guess… who wants my alt? 🤣

Announcing the first line up! And what a line up it is. The acts throwing it back on Oct 7th include... @TomCBallard @vidyarrrr @andyballoch @talldarkfunny and Samantha Andrew! Tix on sale now, don't miss out! melbournefringe.com.au/event/throwbac…

@fwmelb Lolllk

Genuinely, what happens if I say cis here?

No one else at my work is on threads so now I am the witch that comes to the castle, bearing prophecy of tomorrow threads.net/t/Cuae3BmyjmJ/…

@Adam86Valentine LOLLLL

A local, queer venue (not queer owned) was shunned by local drag artists some time ago after an incident and the current entertainers are giving Demon Twink Eurovision (not a pejorative).

HOLY CANNOLI! I’m bringing my Golden Gibbo™️nominated show ‘Am I the drama?’ back for ONE LAST TIME! See you in October! melbournefringe.com.au/event/am-i-the…

@MrHunterSmith Pls tell me this is the Rathdowne st post office

@samxmcgowan Lean in, I say! Howl at the moon. Bring a cake to work for Sandra, even if there isn’t a Sandra there. ESPECIALLY if there isn’t a Sandra there. Say things like “oh, just like the warden told me they would” under your breath.

having insane dreams. convinced someone is stealing my socks from the laundromat. cried watching an architectural digest video last night. i’ve become a total loon.

Don’t mind me, just writing two very different shows, both of which are about death. This should be fun.

THIS SATURDAY NIGHT! (don’t make the rulez sorry) improvconspiracy.com/shows/gays-of-…

Even the earth’s crust is like “padam padam”

@micomfestival was an absolute slay 🔪🩸

Quick question: was there, like, a Vince Colosimo tour of ‘98 where he went to EVERY. SINGLE. PIZZA. SHOP? That genuinely seems like what has happened.

Fuck @micomfestival for honouring a transphobe while trans folk are being targeted, attacked, and killed the world over.

This year’s @micomfestival belongs to @gilliancosgriff and I will be hearing absolutely nothing else on the matter.

@irlpal Pls stop being so goddamn kewt

@SimonePulga Oh sorry, I’ve started dating, so that was me

★★★★☆ 'Balloch's romp through history and contemporary times takes in light and shade.' @andyballoch's Am I the Drama? is playing at @micomfestival until 23 April: #micf #comedy #review #standup #whatsonmelbourne bit.ly/3KFzfNI