Andy Johnson

@hoteldweller @fesshole I worked with a guy called Kant. Try shouting across the office ‘oi Kant, do you want a brew’…

@fesshole Try keeping a straight face when you work with a guy called Kok!

I'm working with a very charming non native English speaker, so acknowledging that this Fess is a bit unkind. But he uses the word "focus" a lot. And when he does, it comes out as "fock yous". Which has me giggling like a schoolboy every time he says it. Sorry.

@fesshole Told my mrs to give the driver a tenner and fuck the rest of them. Didnt see her for hours…

I want to tip the dustmen for Christmas, but have no idea how. Do I tape coins to the bin lid? Stand at the end of the drive with a brown envelope ?

Had a tradie in today, made him a cup of tea - white and two, as requested - but he only drank about a third of it. Giving serious thought to leaving him a middling review for this slight.

@fesshole So why were you the subject of thier road rage?

Road rager attacked me in the street. I caught the reg of the driver. Ordered a set of show plates and attached them to a hire car of a similar model. Speeding past a few cameras, unpaid parking on CCTV, CC & ULEZ trip. Wish I was there when the fines hit their doormat.

@fesshole I told my wife to give the driver £5 and fuck the rest. Dont know where she was all day..

I'm a bin man if you don't tip at Christmas we remember that and will put your bin back anywhere other than where we got it from my personal best is 7 streets away it's the little things that make the job bearable

@gmptraffic @GMPBoltonSouth Learn to drive if you cant get that jag off drive….

#TrafficPCSO's @GMPBoltonSouth So fellow Tweeters, we like social engagement. We were called to this obstruction today. The Jag needs to come off the drive as owner wants to go out. Toyota turned up last night, not stolen & has insurance & tax. What would you do?

@jm130tt @michaelrutter_ @northwest200 2 absolute legends 👍

2 old codgers at the bar!! @michaelrutter_ even bought me a drink!!! @northwest200

@CaitTeachesKind Well done, best of luck 👍

This is the triumphant face of a woman who did battle with the straighteners and put make up on for the first time in months, in aid of an interview and actually found the interview to not be the worst experience ever! It's me, the woman is me.

@CaitTeachesKind Keep going - every application and interview is a learning experience 👍

One more unsuccessful application to add to my collection 😔 At least I was shortlisted and interviewed this time though 👍 My time is coming, I know, but it still sucks at this moment.

Dear @BorisJohnson Campsites have weeks until autumn. To deny families the great outdoors & single them out for extended lockdown against scientific logic and international experience, is to sign their business death warrant. ⁦@10DowningStreet⁩ ⁦@michaelgove⁩

10% off any Hycon powerpack if you purchase any of the below tools before 10th May 2019: HCS16(16" Cut off saw) HCS18(18" Cut off saw) HCS20(20" Cut off saw) HYD600(600rpm Drill motor) HYD1500(1500rpm Drill motor) HRS400(400Ø Ringsaw) 01614060609 or email sales@diaquip.co.uk

The curtain fitters. Com 07973345477 Curtains pelmets Roman blinds Bay window curtain tracks and poles supplied and fitted

The Core with the DQ Tattoo. More Speed, More Life, Less Cost

@DQ_Diaquip are close to selling their 10,000th Raw Core. The customer who purchases no.10K will win a QDM150W Drill Motor Will it be YOU?

It's official, there's now more great people up here than there are down there now

@pauldevine07 Hello Logan 😜

@SNOMANCHESTER Merry xmas you old bollox !!!

@pauldevine07 Well said - was a lovely dignified send off.

Happy Easter everybody - what a lovely day ☀️