Anne

Elon Musk is by far the funniest billionaire on this planet.

Fuckin things are getting in through the vents

Dad: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.” Son: “No.” Dad: “The girl is Bill Gates’ daughter.” Son: “Then OK!” Dad goes to Bill Gates. Dad: “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates: “No.” Dad: “My son is the CEO of the World Bank.” Bill Gates: “Then OK!” Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Dad: “Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.” President: “No!” Dad: “He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.” President: “Then OK!”

While golfing, a guy accidentally overturns his golf cart in a tremendous crash. A very attractive female golfer, who lives in a townhome overlooking the golf course, hears the crash and calls out, "Are you okay?" "I'm okay, thanks," says the guy, as he pulls himself from the twisted golf cart wreck. She says, "Come up to my home, you can recover for a bit, and I'll help you with the golf cart up later." Even being a bit dizzy, the guy couldn’t help but notice that her bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be an amazing figure. "That's mighty nice of you," he answers, "but I really don't think my wife would approve" "Oh, come on now." she insists. She was so pretty, so very persuasive, and the guy was so relatively dazed! "Well okay, but I'm quite sure my wife won't be happy with me" After a couple of gin and tonics, he thanks her and says, "I feel a lot better, and know that my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd best leave now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a coquettish smile, letting her robe fall even slightly more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know a thing, we can have another drink” then she asks, by the way, “where is she, anyway?" The guy replies, "Probably still under the cart, if I were to bet"

An elderly woman is speeding down the highway when she sees a policeman with a radar gun. The policeman signals her to pull over, then walks up to her and asks with a smile, “What’s your hurry?” “I’m late for work.” “Sure,” says the officer, “what do you do?” “I’m a rectal distender.” “What? A rectal distender? What exactly is that?” “Well, you see, I start by inserting one finger, then the other, then work up to three fingers, four fingers, until my whole hand is in. I work from side to side until I have both hands in, and then I slowly expand the rectum until it is about six feet wide.” “And what do you do with a six-foot butthole?” “I give him a speed gun and put him on the side of the road.”

Policía: “Caballero lo detengo porque los tintes de sus vidrios están más oscuros que Dark Side of the Ring. Licencia y registro del vehículo”. The Rock: “¿Si sabe quién soy?” Policía: “Si, el wey que llevó a Travis Scott a la WWE, andaba pidiendo almas, nos mató el momento heel de John Cena y cuando la cosa se puso fea se fue grabar Moana. Licencia y registro, Don Piedra”. Foto: TMZ

Girl who ran away after cancer took her dad is reportedly seen for the first time in years. Everyone in town knew how close she was with her father. Even after cancer made him weaker, he still took her camping every chance he got. The woods were their place. He taught her how to build a fire, find food, stay warm, and survive when nobody was coming. People thought he was making memories before he died. Now they wonder if he was preparing her. After he passed, police came to the house. She was told she would be sent to an orphanage. By morning, she was gone, her backpack missing, her camping gear missing, and her dog gone with her. For years, no one knew if she made it. Now a hiker says he saw an older girl near the woods with an old dog beside her the same dog from the missing posters. Her dad couldn’t stay alive. So he taught her how to.

Un guardia de seguridad atrapó a un hombre de 82 años mientras escondía una barra de pan en su chaqueta. Se suponía que debía retenerlo hasta que llegara la policía, pero en cambio, se sentó en el suelo con él. James se toma muy en serio su trabajo como oficial de prevención de pérdidas. Normalmente, cuando detiene a un ladrón de tiendas, estos huyen o se ponen agresivos. Pero cuando se acercó al anciano en el pasillo del pan, la reacción le partió el corazón. El hombre, Walter, no huyó. Simplemente se quedó paralizado, con las manos temblando violentamente mientras apretaba contra su pecho el pan blanco más barato. Walter nunca había robado nada en su vida. Pero su alquiler había subido, su esposa falleció el año pasado y su pequeña pensión se le había acabado hacía cuatro días. Se estaba muriendo de hambre. "No quería causar problemas", sollozó Walter, deslizándose al suelo avergonzado. "Es que... no me queda nada hasta la semana que viene". James miró al hombre, que le recordaba a su propio abuelo. Se dio cuenta de que aquello no era un delito, sino una crisis. No llamó por radio pidiendo refuerzos. No se paró frente a él como una figura de autoridad. James se sentó allí mismo, en el sucio suelo de linóleo, poniéndose a la altura de Walter para detener su temblor. "No tiene problemas, señor", dijo James suavemente, con la mano en el brazo del hombre. "Está bien. Tenía hambre, ¿verdad?". Walter asintió, con lágrimas rodando por su rostro, esperando las esposas. En cambio, James sacó su propia cartera. "Vamos a salir juntos hacia la caja", le dijo James. "Voy a pagar yo esto. Y también te vamos a comprar un poco de mantequilla de maní y leche". Ayudó a levantarse a Walter, pagó una bolsa llena de víveres y le dio el recibo para que pudiera salir por la puerta principal con su dignidad intacta. Walter entró sintiéndose como un criminal, pero se fue sabiendo que todavía hay alguien a quien le importa.

NEW: Hundreds of thousands of dollars were stolen from NASCAR legend Greg Biffle's accounts very soon after he and his family died in a plane crash in North Carolina. Authorities now believe that the fraud and robbery may have been an "inside job." Biffle went viral during Hurricane Helene for helping stranded people. According to investigators, someone used Biffles' personal info to access his financial accounts and transferred funds. Almost immediately after the tragedy that killed Biffle, his wife, and his children, suspicious activity began taking place on his family's email accounts and bank accounts. This included changes to emails, phone numbers, and passwords, according to WSOC TV. Just hours after the plane crash, an email was sent to Biffle's email account that said: "I heard you're dead, rest in hell." His home was also robbed. $30,000 in cash, handguns, and NASCAR memorabilia were stolen. Detectives say that the burglary and fraud may have been coordinated and reliant on "insider" knowledge. According to surveillance footage, a woman is seen walking through his home. She appeared to know where the security cameras were placed. Detectives claim to have identified someone who matches the woman's description. She was reportedly identified during a celebration of life ceremony for the Biffle family. Insane how evil people can be.

@MuayMatt If school bullying goes unnoticed and unaddressed, then empty the magazine

Evliliklerine nazar değmesin diye eşinin fotoğrafını kapatarak sosyal medya hesabında paylaşan bir adam, düğün masasının aynalı olduğunu unutunca adamın yaptığı bu davranış eşinin görüntüsünün dünya genelinde 60 milyondan fazla kez görüntülenmesine sebep oldu.

My grandma was a little sad because she made this beautiful table cloth, and when she went to show it to her friend, she said she thought it was tacky! But I loved it and said I would post it here.

Her father couldn't attend her school party, so she got dressed up and went to his workplace to show him how beautiful she looked in her dress before heading to the party 🥹❤️

This boy packed a Christmas gift for a girl in the Philippines and 14 years later she found him on Facebook. They fell in love and got married

cavalos dormem em pé quando se sentem inseguros, já que isso facilita uma fuga diante de algum perigo. eles só dorme deitados quando estão confiantes, ambientados e seguros. esse cavalo confia 100% no seu dono

this creature has 22 different men to choose from… hoeflation is out of control

A Florida woman in a lifted Silverado just drove over a Lamborghini in a parking lot. The truck was so high off the ground she didn't even see the thing until it was under her tires 😂

My father in law is an old rancher. He bought a bull for $3,500 a few months ago, but the bull didn’t seem like he wanted to breed the herd My father in law was complaining to me one night and I told him to call the vet. He said “hell no,” and said the bull would come around I convinced him that he’s already wasted $3,500…a few more hundred wouldn’t hurt him. He finally agreed and called the vet up The vet came by last week, did an exam on the bull and everything looked normal. He gave my father in law some pills and said to call him back in a few weeks if nothing had changed 2 days later the bull was active. He was humping everything in sight. He was like a damn machine. When he got done with my father in law’s herd, he broke down the fence and started working on my cows I just got done repairing the fence today. I have no idea what was in those pills, but they taste like peppermint 👀

Mentally ill 👇

Black Woman Murders White Baby for Attention A black daycare worker brutally suffocated an innocent 11-month-old white child just to get attention. Theah Loudemia Russell confessed to killing little Harvey Muklebust and another infant in cold blood. This shocking evil demands justice and real change in daycare safety. No more excuses. Protect our children now.