ambur

Photo her husband sent me of her responding to me:

Not only do I openly “like” male thirst traps, I feel the need to share w my baby daddy. Today I showed him a video of an oilfield ship worker making a chair out of pallets

Pam Bondi clam dryer than one of those little fish you accidentally crunch while walking on the beach

@gorillaleo That child better be with your big tiddie bitch because that ain’t me

Naming my first kid Sexton regardless of gender

@gorillaleo Student loan payments

What’s stopping you from buying a Chevy Malibu and putting 30 inch rims on it and a lift kit?

@gorillaleo I moved it to the fridge if you want to pay it

@badbitchburrr Unpaid loose ticket

Milwaukee is so broke they need my $35 parking ticket every week THAT BAD

I miss the moaning plankton reels all over my algorithm

When people don’t let me merge in front of them, I wish I could tell them I’ve rear ended like 4 people. You and your family are safer if you just let me over

@gorillaleo You guys Zach told me he got blocked from the seller

Marketplace got the plug (and wands)

@gorillaleo What goes on up there

“Hot dogs will make you rot, dog” is the first words that popped into my head this morning when my alarm went off. What does it mean

@badbitchburrr Me and u got a problem then

I can’t stand raggedy bitches that use paper plates/bowls on a regular basis at home

I hit my garbage can 6/10 times that I pull into the garage and I audibly laugh because nothing actually matters. Big fucking whoop the bumper isn’t perfect? It’s called a BUMPER because it’s meant to get BUMPED

@gorillaleo Delete this

TEAR MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY APPLE TORT

@AmyErin333 Kinda want to make this my Facebook cover photo

The counsel has spoken, you are in fact a bitch.

Post nut clarity after checking out at Outpost every fucking time why are their green peppers $10 each

@gorillaleo What is wrong with you

If someone wants a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome or a crack baby, technically isn’t that a Designer baby

@gorillaleo That’s so funny!!!!!!!!! Haha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@badbitchburrr Sucks better than you

Baby daddy and I got into our first argument today (Topper’s doesn’t count) I told him his vacuum fucking sucks (obv not in the vacuum way) and he asked me (knowing that his vacuum ain’t shit) “have you checked the filter? Maybe it needs to be changed”