Mike Ward

It's very rare that a defibrillator fails. But when it does, no one is shocked.

The perfect Tweet doesn’t exi….

padded room now

Model: so what’s this photo for anyway? Photographer: don’t worry about it.

One day, Donald Trump will die, and his supporters will try to punish the people who say things like this.

Vile. He was a lifelong public servant asked to do a job

R.I.P Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris is scheduled to deliver the eulogy at his own funeral.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

The rapture happened, but everyone except Chuck Norris was left behind.

The man who put the Caps Lock key next to the letter "A" has died. His funerAL WILL BE HELD A WEEK ON WEDNESDAY

How much fibre, and what different types of fibre, are in foods? Not as easy to answer as you might imagine! It can be affected by conditions, ripening, cooking, cultivar and method of analysis Great review paper here from @DrHArmstrong doi.org/10.1016/j.food…

My fave Chuck Norris joke: Chuck doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.

‘Booty’ and ‘butt’ are synonyms. ‘Call’ and ‘dial’ are synonyms. But, a ‘booty call’ and a ‘butt dial’ are VERY different things.

Chuck Norris, best known for his incredibly popular Bowflex Total Gym infomercials has passed away at 86.

#UPDATE | We received a report of a suspicious male on Bristol Street, Salford, at around 11:52am today. Officers established that the individual was wearing a weighted gym vest and carrying a skipping rope at an outdoor gym. There is no threat to the wider community.

End of an era

@Shirinsmit Sex

What is extremely unhygienic but everyone seems to do it anyway???

Very sad & also important to hear from @MichaelRosenYes on last nights Newsnight… I did not know about the speed of meningitis

gun pointed at yo head, name a rock