Becoming

“I am catching up for everything I missed with Ari and with Alex and Cassie,” she says, “Every time we gain a little bit of success with Ari, I try to then repay the time that Alex and Cassie have missed. I’m still making up for all the deficits I put them through. #motherhood

"I didn’t want to be away from him. I wanted to be as close to him as possible to just try and feel like his mom, like I could somehow do something to help this little person. I had a week where he had been completely traumatized that I had to make up for." #moms #sickbabies

Each essay for Becoming is a carefully crafted vignette: a glimpse into the lives not just of the women I'm writing about, but into my own. So neither of us can claim the essays because each one is a union of women - our hands, souls, and hearts intertwined, if only fleetingly.

I'm giving myself more #grace: to not be perfect, to be ok, to be selfish, to accept help, to have bad days, to not feel guilty, to be enough. #motherhood #moms #yegphotographer #becomingproject

"Caroline’s last pregnancy was 20 weeks of unadulterated terror internalized with a dollop of guilt, a dash of isolation, and a wallop of pain... 'I had guilt getting ready for delivery because all I kept thinking was, 'I don’t want to do this. I don’t want this experience.'"

The number one feeling my 2.5 year old son can articulate is frustration: "Are you frustrated, Mommy?" he asks, "Don't be frustrated." Anyone else experiencing overwhelming bouts of frustration?#momlife #thingskidssay

When I write about other people for @becomingyeg , it feels riskier, scarier because I must be both unbelievably gentle and painstakingly honest at the same time. Each essay is a battle - with my fear, my doubt, my worry, and my inner critic, but I always, eventually, prevail.

"She sees herself as anxious and intense, perpetually holding her breath. Caroline says she’s 'completely lost the ability to moderate [her] adrenaline,' but while that might be how she’s feeling on the inside, on the outside, just like her dad, she projects a calm confidence "

We're all a lit bit #broken, and I know from my own #trauma just how hard it is not only to work on healing, but to recognize that we NEED to #heal, and embarking on that journey. It's daunting, it's scary, and it's hard as hell, but it's so worth it. #healthyself #momlife

"Remind yourself that these moments - good or bad - are all just fleeting. This is just a blip in your life and theirs. Everything well be okay in the end. So remember, 'This too shall pass.'" #motherhood #thistooshallpass #momlife

"If you pare Caroline down to her core, she is two things simultaneously: a survivor and a giver. The woman’s got grit. While she’s soft and feminine, nurturing and conscientious, beneath all that is an enduring strength fueled by an unflinching, steadfast, altruistic love." #mom

For me, this feeling, this fierce, limitless protectiveness was ignited in pregnancy, absolutely, but it wasn't immediate. I didn't feel it, I was unaware of it, until I was confronted by the reality of his vulnerability, of my own. #pregnancy #motherhood

“Even a year later, her feelings and thoughts of inadequacy and grief haven’t disappeared completely, they can still catch her unawares, filling her to the brim with self-doubt and guilt. But through it all, Salima’s strength is that she voices her reality,”

@BirthOfTruths @HealaBadBirth I hear you. I am so sorry you went through this and I agree 100%.

@becomingyeg @HealaBadBirth Sadly a systemic,org&social/rape culture issue+ppl with med privileges not being responsible/accountable. In my case also racial discrim I suspect.We'll need to keep talking&writing to expose them.I never expected to be abused by ppl that were supposed to care. #obstetricviolence

"It was like everything I ever imagined that motherhood would be, I didn't get. I didn't get to birth him the way that I wanted to, I didn't get to hold him, I didn't get to breastfeed him. I felt like everything was taken away." #ppd #birthtrauma #motherhood

My #interview approach is conversational, a give and take, not an interrogation. The goal of the interview is to #empower, to #connect, to #validate, and to foster #solidarity. I'm a #mom too; we are in this together. So I share my experiences freely, because #ithealsmetoo

@BirthOfTruths @HealaBadBirth I'm so with you on that. If you want to know my story, you can read it here: athenaraypold.com/journal/the-ts… I sent a copy of the story to my provincial health authority in hopes that other moms would have better experiences - but the same violence is still happening

@becomingyeg @HealaBadBirth Thank you. We all need to talk more about births, #birthtrauma #ptsd #pnd &how they affect us as well as health professionals' responsibility to provide proper care&support. Have good days&bad days, trying my best to survive. Part of the shock was the level of #obstetricviolence

"look down at your body / whisper / there is no home like you" - thank you, @rupikaur_ #motherhood changes your body and embracing it is hard. #selflove #bodylove #momlife

@BirthOfTruths @HealaBadBirth I'm sorry to hear that. I was traumatized by my birth experience too - it's one of the reasons Kelly and I started this project: so we can all be heard and try to heal. How are you doing now?

@becomingyeg I know what it felt like not being let to birth. I was psych&physically abused by mws&obs. Body autonomy taken away&being controlled against my mind&body. Tortured. We did our best to survive. @HealaBadBirth #MeToo #metoointhebirthroom #birthtrauma #ptsd #pnd #obstetricviolence

Some words of wisdom from the brilliant, wise mother, Maya Angelou. Words to guide us as we engage with others - but especially in how we engage with our children and other mothers. #howyoumakethemfeel #parenting #momlife