Bert Craven

@guardian you app is broken again. Quick Cryptic crossword clues will not display. Screen will not scroll down.

@UbisoftSupport how do I contact you? There doesn't seem to be any way of raising issues with Ubisoft store purchases.

Prison is too good for some people.

@clemensv Dude, I was on Grindr before the rain had stopped...

@markrendle Will the prescription read, take-it-til-you-make-it?

Asking my psychiatrist if we can ramp up the antidepressants until I have 1% of the optimism of an SV tech bro.

I put Van Morrison into a Chinese translator and I feel like I'm going insane

If Americans put half as much energy into insisting that restaurants pay their staff properly as they do into arguing about tipping, this would all be over in a day.

Hey, @btbusinesscare I've not been able to access my voice mail since 5th Feb. Your support people keep telling me it's fixed and closing my tickets even though it's not. They never even bother to check. Absolutely useless bunch of clowns.

This mind-blowing game-changer has everyone saying the same one weird thing and you won't believe how unrecognizable it is.

@qikipedia "Northern Scandinavia" is far too vague. I need a list of actual names and addresses.

In Northern Scandinavia, it’s common to add cheese to your coffee.

@TesterFromLeic What the hell is "RUSINESS PERPECTES"? Did an AI make this?

Here are 3 ways you can reveal the value of testing to your colleagues inside and outside of the team. 1) Focus on where the risk is by using 3 perspectives: business, people and technology. People often have blind spots in at least one area that you can help reveal. 2) Push testing to the most appropriate level of the stack and make all of that work as visible as possible. With so many competing views about what good testing looks like, it's a good idea to reveal how much good work the team is doing. 3) Tell the 3 part testing story by describing the state of the product, how you reached that conclusion, and how good (or not) the testing was. Building on point two, this provides a nice frame to share within the team and beyond that helps people understand the nature of the challenge.

WARNING : anyone trying to reproduce this experiment using a real cat should be aware that the cat may try to switch sides just as you are closing the door, in which case, see Schrodinger's Cat. 3/3

Much as we cannot determine the living state of Schrodinger's Cat until the box is opened, we cannot determine the rectitude of the cats position until the door is closed. Once the door is closed, whichever side the cat is on is the wrong side. 2/3

We all know of Schrodinger's Cat. I would like to propose Craven's Cat. In this thought experiment we must determine not if the cat is alive or dead but whether it is on the right or wrong side of a door. 1/3

@WadeWegner Hi Wade, I have had my Polestar 2 since March and it's great. I can't compare it to the Tesla but still a big 👍 from me.

Possibly the best advertisement for political correctness yet.

The things that LinkedIn thinks I want to know absolutely beggar belief. It is the Labyrinth Bag Lady of information.

@jamesamatthews Not a fucking clue. Today's pointless and unintelligible message at the very top of my What's Happening panel reads, "Suns at Nuggets". I have no idea what this means. Is it a secret code?

Why does Twitter do this? 🥱🥱

the silliest nyc take i've seen lately is "new yorkers are leaving the city in droves because of crime." new yorkers are leaving the city in droves because of rent prices. the criminals we're escaping are called landlords

@SarahKSilverman You are providing Twitter with free advertising for their Blue Ticks service. Pour encourager les autres.

Why do I have a blue check? I ain’t payin shit