Osama Bin Laden

Fuck Mammoths, I want a Woolly Mouse. #mousegang

Just a thought. Fort Drum, NY - base of the storied 10th Mountain Division - is a two hour drive from Ottawa. Less if the speed limit is 75mph. #51stState

So if Canada becomes the 51st State, do they get a little Maple Leaf? #51ststate

I hated Russia before hating Russia was cool. #StopRussia

just sitting here wondering what trump could do to the US if he really put his back into it instead of sitting in bed all day eating hamberders #trump #burgers #lincolnbedroom

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world and he's launching suborbital postcards while Elon Musk's car is orbiting the sun. #blueorigin

The funny thing about China is that we fell all over ourselves to give them all this money that we are now falling all over ourselves to get back. #FreeHK

Just wondering if Donald Trump is going to #pardon me next. It was Obama that got me, so what better way to stick it to him than a pardon? #freeosama #bindead

TFW the CIA releases your porn stash.

A meteorite falls in Egypt, they make a knife. A meteorite falls in Arabia, they worship it. Who's more enlightened? nytimes.com/2016/06/03/wor…

Yes, I am an environmentalist. Especially now that I've returned to being part of the environment. #globalwarming #climatechange

It's too bad this @MartinShkreli weasel wasn't around 10 years ago. I could really have learned a few things from him. #daraprim

@VikashKhera You call that a beard? I am much more handsome than this.

In the Middle East, Feb 2nd is Warthog Day. If you come out of your cave and see an A-10 Warthog, it's 6 more generations of Jihad.

@DrGhostbaby Insha'Allah, you're going to need a submarine. Dishwatah. #sleepingwiththefishes

Got word today that Fred Phelps is soon to be joining us down here. We've already got the demons picking pineapples. #inhell

@pleckey What they don't tell you is that all the robots are Muslims. Only problem - 5 reboots a day. #robotjihad

Assad can only hope they don't drop a MOAB on him...my ears are still ringing and I can't even find them.

@Presidency_Sy Don't bother listening for the helicopters...I can tell you they're awfully quiet.

Angelina Jolie double mastectomy. Two less things I will never be able to Jihad all over.